2023: the year sex toys with fun shapes gained respectable vibrating power, too. Unicorn, moon, and mushroom vibrators that keep me coming were huge highlights! Then, a select few body-safe dildos and rimming butt plugs turned my head.
I receive 200–300 sex toys + lubricants each year, and I sort through to find what actually stands out: the rare sex-gadgets that either do something actually new, or that perform exceptionally well vs. other toys in the same category (e.g., a bazillion “clit suction” toys to choose from). My best-of-2023 summarized, plus the most disappointing toys too!
My Review Policy
All body-safe, zero BS. I only recommend body-safe toys, no bullshit and no paid promos. If I wouldn’t gift a toy to a close friend, then I won’t recommend it to you, either. My key rating factors are: safety, sensual feel, vibration quality (how good is the motor power?), good ergonomics (is it easy to control and use?), and reasonable pricing vs. similar products. I describe our stimulation preferences here, and I read widely about other folks’ feels!
Contents
Clitoral
My best-of 2023 body-safe clitoral vibrators, out of the 160 test vibrators I received this year!:
Best for Sex: Swan Maximum
Strong, rumbly vibration + excellent adjustable range from low to high power!
Soft silicone cuff holds joins it to your fingers, no need to grip it: Amazing for clit stimulation during sex / while using a dildo.
Best bullet vibrator I’ve ever owned.
Best Fun & Affordable Tech: Unihorns
Yellow “Bean Blossom” Unihorn unites air pulse tech and a lapping tongue. The direct clitoral touch is a phenomenal addition for me, making multiple O’s easier to reach.
The other 4 Unihorns have either self-propelled tongues or clit-tapping pulsation: I compare all 5 Unihorns here.
All Unis share: Rumbly vibration in front + stronger, buzzy vibes (optional) in back.
Adorable AF, but functional AF too. Half the price of other double-function vibes.
Strongest Clit “Suction” Pulsing:
Firefly Dream moon vibrator’s suction mouth surrounds the clit & pulses fast:
Like the Rose vibrator, except easier to hold onto. Raised rim = easier to get a tight seal for stronger suction.
Rumbly vibration under the air-pulses; the opposite end has a 2nd vibe motor.
Not for larger clitorises. Size comparison chart here.
Rumbliest Wand: Fun Factory Vim
The deepest-pitched wand massager of ’em all: Fun Factory’s Vim has a serious motor. Grrrrr.
Not as powerful as Magic Wand, but more adjustable speed & functions, plus rumblier. Vim vs. Magic Wand comparison chart here. Vim’d be a much better value if $130 vs. $160.
Fine for most folks with clits, but avoid if you’re sensitive to draggy / sharp textures: My Vim experience here.
Soft Rubbing-Off: Maia Shroomie & Rina
For gentle clit grinding. The Shroomie’s very soft cap is so comfortable to stroke against my vulva, as I grip its handle/stalk.
Broad clitoral stimulation + squishy silicone = 100% my cup o’ tea. Shroomie’s vibration is moderately strong, kickin’ but not super-rumbly. I love it all the same; the shroom lives on my nightstand.
Soft silicone’s also in the Maia Rina double-vibe’s mini-wand end; while Rina’s other side is a firmer silicone point. Two motors, separately controllable, with strong-bullet-vibe power.
Dildos (Vaginal or Anal)
Dildos, my first sex toy love… All silicone, which doesn’t pick up germs like cheaper TPE & PVC toys.
High-Speed Motion: NS Revolution
Vibrating dildos that pulse fast, 300+ motions/minute. Light, thumping vibration. More impactful than a Fun Factory Stronic pulsator (but louder!).
Wow! I can only describe the Revolution dildos’ new gyrating-thrusting tech by combining multiple verbs, since it’s part rotation, part thrusting, part fluttering. Lie back & feel it pulse, thrust, pulse away, on repeat.
Revolution Tsunami is my favorite: a bulbous, G-spot stimulating head on one end; on the other, a shorter shaft (which I use as a handle for better aim!).
Awesome Anal Riding: Wyatt SuperSoft
SuperSoft silicone = filling anal comfort. The same “oooh!” material as SquarePegToys’ fantastic Egg Plugs, but in dildo form with a suction cup base.
Wyatt’s shaft has enough skin texture to feel more realistic, yet glide smoothly (when lubed up!).
This smoothed life-cast dildo’s in three sizes right now: Actual Size is larger-than-average, and 1X & 2X are even bigger.
Fantasy Thrusting Dildo: Naked Addiction Noir
Cushy silicone that moves itself: 0.8″ length traditional up-and-down thrusting. Plus, 7 vibration functions via remote control.
The Noir “Demon” thruster is fab for me vaginally because I like big-headed toys, and its glans fills more space vs. its older sibling, Naked Addiction Freak realistic thruster.
The Noir thruster’s shaft is textured, yet very soft; not prickly or draggy. It’s compact & easy to pick up. But, check out a big’un sex machine instead if you want: 1. Consistent anal thrusting; 2. Longer stroke length or hardcore pounding.
Anal Plugs
Anal sex toys that drove my interest (see also Wyatt, above, which I found better for anal than vaginal!).
Rimming Toys: Bums N Roses vs. Maia Devin
The “rimming rose” Bums N Roses is an easy rimming toy: a short, smooth probe that you don’t need anal training to use safely,
and it *spins* ’round more vigorously than any rimming plug’s rotating beads.
But, Bums N Roses’ vibration doesn’t reach far into the rectum. Enter Maia Devin, a plug that’s comfortable to sit on and has (1) stronger vibration and (2) beads that rotate ’round the anal canal, gently pulsing. Rim-plugs vs. Rim-rose comparison here.
Secure Butt-Bling: Rosebuds T-Bar Plug
Swarovski crystal sparkly gem + pure 316 stainless, made in France, and gorgeous.
The Rosebuds’ canoe-base is easier to sit on vs. an Njoy Pure Plug (which isn’t uncomfortable IMO, but is noticeable). If you’re someone whose ass tends to suck jewel plugs inside, this T-Bar Rosebuds will not overinsert, no way.
I love the weight of this Rosebuds: heftier and exhilarating to walk around wearing for an hour.
Misc. Best-of-2023 sex toys
And more toy types…
Soft silicone penis vibrator: M-Elite Platinum stroker
Vibration + very-soft silicone is the rarest combo for penis masturbators, and M-Elite Strok is the best we’ve found.
Human penises retain microorganisms / have a microbiome, so why do penis strokers always gotta be cheap TPE that gets grody?!
Platinum-cured liquid silicone, these M-Elite strokers are just a smidge firmer (0030 vs. 0020) than the Yoni Stroker, so fans of the very most softness should consider it instead. My boyfriend finds M-Elite Strok still soft & appreciates that the vibration makes him cum faster; but is glad to own both strokers for variety.
Soft, sweat-proof BDSM cuffs: Organosilicone
Organosilicone is synthetic but water-resistant, unlike typical cheap PU “vegan” leather. (Cowhide leather doesn’t repel water, either.) So, you can wipe sweat off Organosilicone, which feels softer too.
The gold+black colors r sexy, the chains durable for tugging against.
My bf and I’d recommend the wrist cuffs, ankle cuffs, and hogtie first. 👅 I describe a hot cuff-session here.
Other 😄: Penis Stuffie
This year I learned that a giant penis caricature could be a fantastic back pillow as well! Cute AF for a phallophile such as myself, plus functional support, whut! Makes me smile. If you’re looking for a gag gift, there’re smaller 12-inch and 24-inchers of this smiling dick too.
Disappointments
Moving from silly fun to disappointing 😒: 2023 sex toys that were the biggest let-downs.
We-Vibe Moxie Plus…is not an upgrade. It’s the same Moxie from 2019 with a different-color remote. Its Bluetooth connection remains Bluetooth 5, which was released in 2016; this is nothing new, and my Moxie Plus disconnects from the app as much as any We-Vibe toy ever has (which equals “often”).
Womanizer OG…is a weird concept. Using air pressure for G-spot vaginal stimulation?!? Why??? If you use too much pressure, you’ll damage toy-users’ vaginas; and if you use a low level of pressure, no one will feel anything. The latter is what happened in the OG. My G-spot is extremely sensitive to touch and texture, but feels exactly nothing from these air-pulses. The “OG” Womanizer’s vibration is weaker than We-Vibe Rave’s, too. So, really, just buy a good G-spot vibrator. No one is having great orgasms from Womanizer OG’s teeny puffs of air, and it’s hugely overpriced: $219, set by Womanizer.
Dual Rider Thrust & Grind humpable vibrator…stalls out a lot. Oops. Especially if I’m leaning forward, so this mini-thrusting peg presses on my G-spot, then it stops moving! It’s a bit better for sitting straight up on (my back at a right angle to the grinding vibrator pad). Then, Thrust & Grind’s silicone folds are also slightly pinchy at my vaginal introitus. Oh well. In contrast, the Dual Rider Bump & Grind is the strongest vibrating grinder I own (that’s not a $1,000 Sybian-style mound!).
Lovense Vulse…sometimes wiggles out of the vagina, and occasionally stops thrusting at random. Plus it’s creaky-loud, buzzier, and weaker vibration than the Lush 2 or 3’s vibrations. So, this is NOT a Lush improvement for public wear. If you want a long-distance controllable toy for use in your bedroom—to connect with a partner who’s not nearby—then Vulse could be OK if you’re fine with a short thrust distance (less than half an inch range of motion). Full review here.
Magic Wand Micro… is a disappointment *if* you expect Magic Wand power, but not if you want a cute accessory that’s strong as many a good bullet vibrator. Worth it if: you love the classic Magic Wands and just want the itsy-bitsy-by-comparison “Micro Hitachi” in your collection, or if you’re looking for a medium-strong clit vibrator with a padded head. Magic Wand Micro pros & cons here.