Phallophile Reviews 2019 Best-Of

This year, I (Felicity) became Phallophile Reviews. I put my heart into this site; sex toy reviewing became my passion and my full-time labor. I accepted totally new-to-me categories of toys, then analyzed the fuck out of them all: seven comparative vibrator guides were born. And I learned a lot about the sex toy industry. (Spoiler: There’s tons of bullshit involved, but at least it’s usually *interesting* bullshit.) All the while, I watched the new toys being released. The most noteworthy novelties.

A few of those new products have WOW-wed me in 2019, become worthy of my favorite body-safe sex toys list. Since I own over $20 grand worth of toys now, I don’t have the time to bother with ones that don’t *stand out* from the crowd. My new loves include:

We-Vibe Melt

The We-Vibe Melt thawed my glacial indifference toward air pulsation clit toys. Melt and I had a rather icy start still. The first 15 minutes, Melt seemed intensely overstimulating. I had to get used to the WHOA factor. Then I realized it was something like blow-sucking on speeds #4 and 5…and the silicone mouth is *so* comfortable. More flexible, and silkier, than even the best Womanizer.

Better than that, Melt is made to be easy to use during vaginal penetration—whereas, say, the Womanizer Premium’s body extends another 0.9 inch behind the top of the mouth, blocking precious ground! I actually love the Melt as a dual stimulator, in combo with a large dildo (or a wand head outside my vag). There’s no clashing, no pinching, less awkward positioning than when I (unsucessfully) attempt to use any other clit-blower during penetration.

I’m ready to abandon bullet vibrators entirely, to be honest. The We-Vibe Tango sure has rumble, but it doesn’t match the unique slurpy-ness of the We-Vibe Melt’s soft silicone mouth pulse, pulse, pulsing away.

OhMiBod Esca 2 & We-Vibe Moxie

IMO, 2019 was the year when wearable vibrators jumped from utter mediocrity to being a respect-worthy toy category. These are vibes that you can (1) wear out on a date/night at the club, if that makes you hot; (2) let your partner control as foreplay; and/or (3)—with the best smart remote options—also hook up to your lover long-distance.

Lovense started the improved-wearable trend by releasing the improved Lush 2 in late 2018: it has better Bluetooth connectivity, and the button’s in the tail, rather than right inside the vag.

But the milestone for me was when OhMiBod/Kiiroo released Esca 2 in March. This vaginal vibe is slightly less powerful than Lush 2, but definitely rumblier. It doesn’t buzz so much, so it’s better for me to wear long-term. Since I do love vaginal vibes, this is the hottest option for me to have my partner control…like when I’m walking around late at night. It’s also a huge turn-on to let him manipulate Esca 2’s patterns (Tap-Tap-Tap!) before we screw.

And last but not least: We-Vibe came out with Moxie, the rumbliest panty vibe in existence. It’s clit-focused public play or foreplay, with a truly clever magnetic clip. Unlike other panty vibes, which jostle around or have to be slotted into underwear—creating a barrier between vibes and skin!—Moxie’s magnet fits on the other side of any underwear so the vibe body rests directly against the skin. The lil bump is nice for grinding on: like a ruuumbly finger. Moxie also has 130 vibe intensities (10 functions, each with 13 strengths) built in and accessible through the remote control. Or try the We-Connect app, where you drag your finger up/down to change power in any function. My full panty vibe ranking pits Moxie against pure remote options.

Blush Neo Elite

Dual-density dildos are hot because they’re soft outside (more like skin) but harder underneath. Simply: the two layers make them feel more cock-like. Blush realized that a realistic feel calls for a realistic look too, and created four Neo Elite dual-density silicone dildos.

The best part? The two layers of platinum silicone go for only $29.95 to $35.99. Everyone loves VixSkin, but I know I debated the hell out of buying my first one because of the $100+ price tag. (Today, I would’ve bought a Neo Elite 7″ instead.) Not to mention, Neo Elite toys have actually functional suction cups too! Find my thoughts on how all 4 models feel here. 

Velvet Thruster Mini

In 2019, Velvet Co. listened to critical feedback (like mine!) and redid their original Velvet Thruster lineup as the new, more compact Velvet Thruster Mini self-thrusting dildo. 

The Mini Thruster, “Teddy,” doesn’t force me to struggle with positioning a large, chunky base. Instead, Teddy has a suction cup, with a flared bulb above! See the suction cup in action here, or the Velvet Mini Teddy in a harness here. (I can even stick this mofo into my jeans pocket!)

Teddy is shorter than the original Thrusters, so do not expect depth with this toy. It has 6 speeds, a fair range—not quite as fast as the originals with their BIG rectangular motor housing.

The Velvet Mini Teddy is laziness of the best variety. Hands-free fucking without having to worry about suction cup positioning? Sign me up. Of course, I also love realism and real G-spot pressure, so I had to create a VixThrust bundle to turn Teddy into a thick, lifelike, and self-propelled dildo1—which of course this phallophile quickly labeled as “the sex toy combo I’ve needed for years.” (And by “years” I mean almost two decades, really. 😀)

BMS Naked Addiction Dual Density

Speaking of lifelike…let’s talk about dural texure. Skin lines, fashioned in silicone. The BMS Naked Addiction Dual Density Dildo feels more like skin than any toy this side of $300. It almost has a Cyberskin feel: except it’s not going to let bacteria breed on its surface. The glide on this toy—it’s neither too slick (so it feels unrealistic), nor too draggy.BMS Naked Addiction Dual Density Silicone Dildo head closeup

The Naked Addiction Dual has excellent squishy balls, with a bump where scrotum meets shaft—that can be rubbed on, against clit or perineum, if you take enough of the length. Like Neo Elite, the suction cup is strong. (See me wiggling it around here.) The one downside of the BMS Dual? The head is not pronounced, so it’s for overall realism instead of G-/P-spot.

FemmeFunn Ultra Wand

I’m not going to say that the FemmeFunn Ultra Wand is effortless orgasms…but it’s damn easy for me to come on this waterproof wand with *very little warmup*. And no need for movement, because the area the long head stimulates is large (almost as long as a Magic Wand head).FemmeFunn Ultra Wand

“Packs a punch” is the perfect description. The Ultra Wand has no low strengths. My favorite way to use it is in the shower, cuz I need MORE while I’m standing and trying to come—and Ultra Wand is definitely more. The lightly-patterned silicone is very silky. Have I mentioned it’s fully waterproof, unlike almost all other strong wands?! And luckily, FemmeFunn cut down the number of patterned functions from 17 to only 7, so speed-changing isn’t a big hassle.

Blush Wellness G Curve & Impressions

I couldn’t choose between highlighting Impressions vibrating dildos and Wellness G Curve by Blush Novelties. Both have great strong vibes, 10 speeds of them—and considering both options gives you 6 shape and color choices.

Wellness G Curve is a slimmer2 G-spot toy that’s rounded (unlike Impressions’ flared bases), so G Curve is easy to hold clitorally too. The firm bulb has enough curve to make it an effective G-spot-pressure-giver. Especially alongside the rumbly vibe progression. I do appreciate well-named toys, and the only way I could expand upon G Curve’s moniker would be: Wellness Clit *or* G Curve Silky Silicone Vibrator. (Whaddaya mean, you think that’s too long a name?!?)

And Impressions dildos, all 5 of them—they have suction cup bases! With so few body-safe suction cup vibes around, I’m thrilled to finally have a legit powerful lineup to recommend. Impressions N5 calls to me in particular because of the larger ridge for G-spot BOOM. And Impressions N1’s ridgy-ness adds to the vibrating massage if you enjoy speedier thrusting! Read my full Impressions model comparison for details about all 5.

New-to-Me Discoveries

Oxballs Ergo & SquarePegToys Egg Plugs Squishy Plugs

Comfortable ass stretching. Wear for hours, without discomfort! come in lots of sizes: 9 different ones for the Egg Plugs and their tapered oval shape, or 5 for the Oxballs Ergo.

I’m lumping these plugs under one heading because they’re both very soft, and awesome for longer wear. There are slight differences between the Eggs and Ergos: discussed in my Ergo review. All in all, I recommend Ergo first if you have a prostate or if you want a tickle of pressure against the back wall of your vag (over Egg Plug’s overall stretching). I also love the Ergo base’s upward curving tabs! That spot of extra stimulation as you sit or move…

Pillow Talk Sassy

OK, so I got a BMS Pillow Talk Sassy in late 2018 and it was released about a year before that—but hell if it doesn’t belong in every “best-of sex toys” post I write.

It’s rumbly-beautiful. The shape is perfect. I have confused it with the Magic Wand on the latter’s first couple speeds, Sassy is so strong. I bring this vibrator on every vacation I take, because I love using it alone and I love having my partner make me squirt and/or thrusting it into my G-spot for me. The silky silicone is exquisite.

As I note in my favorites, “I’m basically an evangelist for the Pillow Talk Sassy.” I mean, I might not get myself martyred for it, so the analogy ends there…but I will proclaim its goodness to the ends of the earth!

Magic Wands (Plus & Rechargeable)

Can you say “late to the game”? I sure did, by getting my first Magic Wand in early 2019! Magic Wands may not look sexy, but the feel is a whole different story. The new Magic Wands—Plus and Rechargeable—have 4 steady speeds. That speed progression is so excellent for my vulva, I’ve set the frequency measurements as my phone wallpaper. The Plus and Rechargeable also have silicone heads that do not stain like the Original’s porous head does.

I’m so fortunate to own both these vibes, tbh. Because they do have different pluses and minuses, despite looking exactly the same. That said, as noted in my wand vibrator ranking, I use the Rechargeable three times more than the Plus, since the Rechargeable doesn’t require the extension cord dangling down.

RealCock2

Hello, the most realistic dildo in existence! I’ve been ogling the original RealCock2 (now called Dirk) for literally years now. With so many dual-density dildos in my collection, I decided it was finally time to go for the gold 🥇and ask for one of these $500 bad boys, complete with floating balls and hand-painted silicone detailing.

The skin feel is extraordinary, compared to other silicone. This dildo is a prosthetic penis, pure and simple; it’s so realistic-looking that I make sure to include its large base in all my Insta pics for fear of having it removed for being mistaken as human cock. I love hyper-realistic/photorealistic art, and the RealCock2 is the dildo equivalent. So many minute details—but, unlike a painting, they’re there to feel and to screw, rather than just to stare at.

As of 2019, RealCock2s come in two smaller sizes (like the average-girth Jones and the more-tapered Rockwell) in case your tastes aren’t quite as big as mine; and 3 total flesh tones, so you’re not limited to “very Caucausian.” I’m now ready to write the ultimate realistic dildo ranking. Expect a ratings chart, it’s my style.

Best-Of Social Media

I got addicted to Instagram’s visual appeal this year: so much to see! I’m posting new toy pics there every day, and I’m looking forward to seeing over 10k of you on Insta soon. Please let me know what you’re thinking about my stuff3 and what you hope to see me do next! Here are my most-engaged-with images of 2019:

I guess I need to get a new harness or two or three? 🤔 Also, more hyper-realistic squishy balls???

With Tumblr falling prey to no-porn/anti-adult-content rulings in late 2018, and Facebook cock-blocking remotely risque content, I concentrated on Twitter as my other social platform. This is my most popular recent post: you all love the pastels!!!

Thank You, and Happy New Year!!!

It’s because of *your* support that I’m able to run this site as a career—to have the time to devote myself to accurately ranking toys. Your page views and click-throughs matter. If you’ve read this far, I know you care, and I appreciate you. 💖

If you respect any toy reviewer’s content, I encourage you to engage with us on social—we love positive feedback!—and, if you’re wanting to buy something, click through our links first. You’ll pay the same price (or less, if you’re following updated sales!), while we’re compensated for our work. Each review takes me anywhere from 4 to 8 hours on writing and photos (testing not included), because I believe in thoroughness above all else.

Please also email me (phallophilereviews@gmail.com) anytime if you have specific toy questions. I’m happy to give you personalized suggestions. And if you’re looking to stay up-to-date, subscribe to my review recap to receive emails 2x per month.

And a huge thank-you to my retailers who support honest reviewers. Peepshow Toys is the one who has been there to encourage my writing since the beginning, and I am overjoyed to promote their all-body-safe ethics. Thank you to Spectrum Boutique, Betty’s Toy Box, and SheVibe for also backing Phallophile Reviews in 2019! Talking to these folks at the ANME sex toy expo last July was delightful. And how can I forget the manufacturers: Blush Novelties keeps hitting it out of the park with new releases, Uberrime is a true innovator and friend who I talk silicone with all the time, Hankey’s Toys (and their beautifully finished silicone) has been behind me for almost two years now (har), Tantus gave me my first toy for review, Lovense partnered with me this year… I’m thankful for all these sex-positive companies, and many more.

Wishing you all a pleasure-filled New Year, with many new adventures!

* * *

 

  1. For more length, you can put the VixSkin Colossus on Velvet Mini instead: it has an extra inch of length over the VixSkin Holster sheath in my bundle.
  2. 1.3″ diameter, which isn’t truly slim but is a bit below “average,” 1.5 inches wide. Check out a Collections vibe for even thinner, at 1 inch across.
  3. With a few exceptions, lol. I’m not looking to peg you, random internet dude 😄.

One thought on “Phallophile Reviews 2019 Best-Of

  1. Isabella

    December 27, 2019 at 9:16pm

    That´s what i call a complete sex toy review . Good Work and thank you so much for all the details.

    • Author

      Felicity

      December 28, 2019 at 4:54am

      Thank you so much, I really appreciate that!!! 😊

  2. Puzzled Peggee

    December 29, 2019 at 3:15pm

    Hi,

    Great reviews. I just stumbled into your site and loved the thoroughness, honesty and hard work you put into your reviews. Maybe you can help me with a pending question, I love being pegged by my wife and we currently own a fuze perk and a realdoe. we’ve had them for years and while I can handle the perk we’ll enough, the realdoe never really measured up to the expectations. I find it to be too wide and too stiff to take in confortably and my wife isn’t thrilled with the wearers end either. We are looking to upgrade to a dual density cock but we’re puzzled by the vastness of the choices out there. What would you suggest?

    • Author

      Felicity

      December 29, 2019 at 9:29pm

      Thanks so much for the compliment!!!

      I’m looking at size specs for Fuze Perk vs. Realdoe: and Realdoe might be 0.1″ wider. I know Fuze’s (non-Ten series) silicone isn’t truly soft either, but I can see how the extra-firmness of Realdoe would make it feel comfortable.

      VixSkin is really the primo choice for pegging. With VixSkin Mustang being the most popular one: it’s average girth, with a protruding head that’s *super* squashy for really getting p/g-spot pummeled comfortably.

      I assume you went for Realdoe trying to get some stimulation for your wife too: Does your current harness have a bullet vibe slot? (That’s really the easiest way of going about stimulating the harness-wearer; would recommend an Essential Bullet with the SpareParts Joque, for example). I’m also intrigued by Bumpher’s textures but haven’t had a chance to try one out yet! It’s a similar concept as the Fuze dildo bases but more bump-y rather than line-y.

      Let me know your thoughts! Would be happy to suggest other dual-density options if VixSkin Mustang isn’t quite what you’re going for.

  3. Caitlyn

    December 29, 2019 at 8:28pm

    Thank you Phallophile for the awesome help and support you have given me this year regarding my sex toy purchases. You haven’t steered me wrong with your excellent recommendations.

    • Author

      Felicity

      December 29, 2019 at 9:30pm

      Thank you so much, I really appreciate you saying so!!! 💖

  4. Lisa Stone

    April 8, 2020 at 5:57pm

    Very great job! I learned a lot about the sex toys with the help of your blog 🙂 highly recommend

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