Handjob Queen: How My Dildo Collection Made Me Really Good at Jerking It

I’d been with my husband for five years before I managed to get him off via a handjob.

When I had my first few sexual encounters, I was still filled with all kinds of sex-negative and body-negative hangups, and I wasn’t quite sure how to move a penis. I also didn’t masturbate regularly (poor me!), and I sure as hell didn’t own any sex toys, so I was stumped. How am I supposed to keep going? I wondered. So I would switch hands, but of course that was even worse!¹

It’s All in the Wrist

As I came to learn, handjobs are all about forearm strength—and practice makes perfect!

After I had my delayed sexual awakening (after being married a couple years, believe it or not),² I realized that I liked PIV sex a lot. So handjobs were just an occasional short warm-up or an interlude in the middle of intercourse. This didn’t give me the chance to develop much prowess in other skils, obviously. Husband would sometimes jerk himself for maybe thirty seconds during longer sessions, because I apparently didn’t do it fast and hard enough to satisfy him.

But then I started collecting dildos, many of them very large…

These Fuckers Are Heavy

My first realistic dildo was a two-inch-thick suction cup cock (which I tossed after I learned that PVC is not body-safe!), so I mainly used it stuck to a wall, in short bursts.³ But I quickly moved on to quality toys, and I learned that silicone dicks can be heavy—especially larger ones with big bases.

My collection grew, and then grew some more, when I realized how fun and how varied silicone dildos can be. There were so many new textures and colors to explore…and to test out. With this testing, the muscles in my right forearm kept getting stronger from thrusting heavy toys. One day, while I was opening a pickle jar,⁴ I realized that I could open it much more easily than I ever could before. And then I understood the real reason why penis-owners are stereotypically asked to open stuck jars⁵—they’ve received years of pleasure from jerking off!

Once I got my own pleasure thrusting dildos in and out of my body, I understood. I saw how going faster and faster till I reached climax was an amazing experience. Now I needed to transfer my skills into the bedroom.

Step into My Bedroom…

My husband soon realized something was up (besides his dick). “Holy God, that was good!” was his response one night after a successful HJ experience.

By using dildos, I’d learned to love using my hands to control a cock, moving it back and forth to create the maximum amount of excitement for myself. Now I realized I could do the same to an actual penis! Weak wrists no longer held me back.

Plus, I’d developed a bit of an obsession with foreskins, so feeling what remained of my (cut) husband’s move up and down was a huge turn-on for me.⁶ Skin is incredibly sexy, and I can feel it so much better with my hands than with my tongue.

Now that I had the strength, I had to learn the right rhythm. So I learned to relax and think of what I might like being done to my vag. Then, I try to transfer that rhythm to my hand. I’ve learned to tell when my partner’s pressure is building, as he begins to breathe more rapidly and lies back with his eyes closed.

I love to watch him like his, so peaceful in the middle of the sexual tension. He’s a worrier, like me, and handjobs are really the only time I can see that he’s fully at ease.⁷ Even when I’ve already had five orgasms, I’m incredibly turned on myself as he builds toward cumming. Before I built up my forearm strength, I would’ve given up at this point, letting him jerk himself to completion because I physically couldn’t keep up the pace. But now, I know that I have the power to keep going and going—to go faster and even pick up the pace at the very end. (Plus I learned to focus on his head—that’s something I didn’t learn from using dildos.) Because he does like it fast and tight, with long strokes that travel all the way up the shaft and then linger over his sensitive head. I work on figuring out titillating things to whisper to him⁸ in the final stretch.

But all good things must end, and so my handjobs do as he comes hard, with a sigh of relief. Now that my hands are free again, I usually opt for one last, quick orgasm.

Wrapping It Up

Learning to give a quality handjob was a big step in my journey of sexual discovery. When I learned to be OK with giving myself pleasure, I also got more excited about passing it on to others—like my spouse. His penis has seriously benefited from the strength of my heavy-dildo-thrusting forearms.⁹ Plus, handjobs a great help whenever we’ve used condoms, which seriously decrease my partner’s sensitivity and ability to finish.¹⁰ I’m not going to lie: I’d still rather that he and I come together during PIV. But occasionally, a good old-fashioned handjob is just how he wants to finish, and I love touching him.

So if you want to work up your forearm strength, dear readers, then practice, practice, practice. And if you want to be really good, then buy yourself a silicone dildo that weighs over a pound: there are tons of huge options out there! I’ve found that dildos with big balls (like the ColourSoft 8″) and bases (like Bad Dragon’s Flint) build up strength in the wrist, though they are a bit annoying to wrap your hand around after a while. I’d say that VixSkin dildos—like my Johnny—are the absolutely best option for handjob (or blowjob!) practice because the shafts are pretty realistic-feeling once they’re lubed up, and they’re luxuriously squishy. But my personal favorite is still the Tantus Uncut #1, because it’s so long that I feel like I’m giving it a handjob when I’m gripping its lower shaft and thrusting it in and out of my vag, over and over. (That’s a dildo that can build stamina.)

Have fun in your own sexplorations, wherever they may lead you, and stay kinky!

1. At this point you may be wondering why I didn’t switch to a blowjob instead. Here’s why: I hate giving BJs (for more than like a minute). First, I have a really hard time not chewing on anything that’s in my mouth, and second, maybe my jaw is shaped weird (an oral surgeon once told me this when I was seeing him about teeth-grinding). If BJs are your thing, the more power to you. I wish I enjoyed giving them.
2. I’ve written about my sad-but-true story here.
3. Read my Ruse Magic Stick review for more about how I have a hard time finding the right angle for dildo-on-wall masturbation.
4. Oh, the irony. Cucumbers!
5. It sounds silly now, but I’ve lived the stereotype.
6. You just don’t get that sliding feeling with any dildo, though the RealCock 2 description claims the outer layer of silicone is “sliding.” And it does move...a little bit…with extra pressure.
7. Well, maybe except for when he’s watching Game of Thrones. That show takes over his head. ????
8. Despite being a writer and word nerd, I don’t consider myself good at sex talk. Something to work on!
9. I’m still working toward getting him off with my left hand, just to see if I can.
10. I’m not complaining here. More riding for multiorgasmic me.