The good news: The Femmefunn Cadenza pulsates more forcefully than the Fun Factory Stronics. The bad news? The top speeds—the super-speedy ones—make more noise. Thrusting back and forth, Cadenza’s tip is all boom-boom-boom against my G-spot. And the top 2 speeds are the ones that exceed the Stronic toys’ power, really get the jiggly roaring movement going!
My FemmeFunn Cadenza review lines it up point-by-point against the Fun Factory Stronics because both toys generate a quick pulsing movement. It’s not the thrusting you’re likely to get from sex with a penis. Rather, the pulsations are short, lightning-fire bursts of speed.
Especially with Cadenza’s über-curved fingertip bent, I’m surprised at how stimulating this FemmeFunn pulsator is. Without further ado, let’s dive into the thud-thud-thud of each pulsating dildo’s features—or you can skip ahead for an in-motion demo!
FemmeFunn Cadenza Features
What does the FemmeFunn Cadenza do? Let’s be clear here:
- It pulsates. The tip does, to be exact: the head of the toy propels itself back and forth, up to almost half an inch length per pulsation.
- It does NOT thrust like a dick. This is not a sex machine. (Not a bad thing necessarily: you can’t take a sex machine into the shower or fit it in your nightstand drawer, but you can do both with Cadenza.)
- It does NOT vibrate. Not exactly, that is: there are 7 pulsation speeds, and the last one feels very vibrator-y up and down the shaft as Cadenza’s tip speeds along, fluttering so fast.
FemmeFunn’s product description runs, “The pulses of life. The beating of the heart. The vibrations that drive you to break down walls…” I’m enjoying the copywriter’s poetic nature here, but FemmeFunn’s use of the word “vibrations” is slightly misleading. Six of the 7 speeds are nothing like vibration!
The top intensity, though—well, it’s something else, pulsing so fast that the entire shaft does feel as if Cadenza had a vibrating motor. More on those fast speeds next…
Cadenza vs. Fun Factory Pulsators
The FemmeFunn Cadenza’s 6th and 7th speeds (out of 7) are truly the ones that set it apart from the famous Stronic line: the first pulsating dildos on the market. Powered by magnets that cause these toys to wiggle back and forth, Fun Factory Stronics started the trend—and are still known as a very reliable option. (They’re much less likely to break than full-on thrusters, for example.) I was so taken with the Stronic G, my first self-propelled dildo; and then I really fell for the Stronic Real, a slimly tapered shape that’s kinda-sorta phallic. Vs. the Stronics, here’s how Cadenza stacks up:
|*||Fun Fact. Stronics||FemmeFunn Cadenza|
|Pulse Speeds||4 steady, 6 patterns||7 steady (1 vibrator-y)|
|Waterproof?||Yes ✅||Splashproof 💦|
|Price||$169.99 here||$187.99 here|
|Notes 💖||• 0.2" thrust length|
• 3 different shapes
• Whole toy moves
• Low defect rate
|• 0.4" thrust length |
• 1 shape, curved tip
• Top 2" move
• High speed ⚡🔊!
|Noise Level*||33–35 dB (inserted)|
40–44 dB (in hand)
|34–49 dB (inserted) |
41–64 dB (in hand)
|Battery life||1.5 hours||2.5 hours|
And let’s check out the shapes lined up, too:
The FemmeFunn Cadenza’s form is like a blending of all 3 Stronics: the G’s spot-hitting bent, the Real’s semi-phallic nature, and the Surf’s ripples (though Cadenza’s ridges are more forgiving, less speed-bump-y).
One key difference between the Stronic G and Cadenza is the range of motion, noted in the chart above. So only the FemmeFunn Cadenza’s upper shaft moves, about 2 inches worth. Versus the Stronics, where the whole body jiggles and I get a light feeling of movement against my labia and vaginal opening too. The pulsing tip moves almost twice as far, though, just under half an inch!
I have to admit: when I first learned Cadenza’s price, I thought it was flat-out ridiculous that it would cost more than the Fun Factory Stronics. That was before I experienced the top two speeds. More than being simply a Stronic knock-off, Cadenza has a unique motion. I do not believe it’s magnet propelled, like the XR Thump It dildos are—those toys could be accused of co-opting (“adapting”?) the Fun Factory technology. Also unlike the Thumps Its, the FemmeFunn Cadenza does not feel “budget.”
Finally, I want to clarify Cadenza’s waterproof ranking. Cadenza is listed as “splashproof.” What that means is: tested to withstand water splashing from all directions and sprays with jets of water1—without damage. Despite advertising its pulsating products as splashproof…
…FemmeFunn’s Cadenza user manual states, “Do not use it in water.” The manual also stipulates, “We can only recommend external use. Internal use is at your own risk,” which is patently bullshit. Of course you’re going to insert a rabbit vibrator or pulsating dildo. Similarly, Cadenza is safely usable in the shower. It withstands shower sprays and any kind of washing in the sink. But maybe don’t submerge it for an hour at the bottom of your bathtub.
Mmm, shower sprays. I do have a favorite way to use Cadenza…
My Cadenza Experience
The FemmeFunn Cadenza’s thumping really does live up to as description as “the beating of the heart,” with the pulses being so rhythmic. On speeds 1 through 5, at least! After that, I’d be scared for anyone whose heart beat at Cadenza’s levels 6 and 7.
And the lower speeds? They’re like a finger pressing inward repeatedly. From sloooowly and deliberately, to faster than a real-life hand could easily move. (Unless, you know, maybe you’re banging a trained pianist or guitarist.)
I’m so gung-ho with the thrusting, of course I end up on Cadenza’s speed #7 almost immediately. MORE, please.
The downside? Cadenza on high is like a low-pitched jackhammer. Like with strong wand vibrators, more power = more noise.
I’ve been quarantined with my kids home and my mom helping out. Everyone is always here. As you can imagine, I don’t want a jackhammer noise happening at any time. Enter shower sessions with Cadenza, when I’m getting the most out of this toy and not worried about the volume (the water drowns it out).
My initial testing notes read: “Goddamn i’m glad this thing is water-resistant (if not submersible) because I take it into the shower all the time.”
Having a bathtub below me also makes sense when I’m using Cadenza externally (apparently the only use recommended by FemmeFunn 😄)—because I’m dripping. In general, thrusting dildos do NOT stand up well to having real pressure applied against their shafts: I made my original Velvet Thruster start creaking by letting it thrust hard lined up against my vulva, instead of inserting it. But Cadenza, it’s great as a clit-rubbing tool.
After all, the FemmeFunn Cadenza has ridges just like a fantasy dildo. And that hook-tipped head… oh how it rubs. Especially on the top 2 speeds, my favorites! It’s lovely to use Cadenza’s tip to run circles around my clit. Then, to run Cadenza’s upward-pointing head back, stroking it a little, between clit and urethra. (The clitoral shaft runs underneath that stretch of pelvic floor!) And last, move Cadenza’s tip back, stimulating right underneath my sensitive clit head. Where I start dripping and pushing outward involuntarily, like I do with a good clitoral fingering. Except this one is speedier—and so much less work than actually using my own fingers.
Finally, back to stroke length: Cadenza does just pulse in the top couple inches, whereas I enjoy movement around the mouth of my vag and surrounding labia too. So I end up thrusting Cadenza by hand to finish; it’s stimulating before I start thrusting, and even more stimulating when I’m on SPEED 7 and this thing is rocking my G-spot and doing that pulse-vibration thing all over.
Cadenza in Action! Demo.
See the motion:
My apologies for forgetting to recharge Cadenza after draining its battery the previous night! The pulsator’s battery life will get me through 3 to 5 sessions with Cadenza, more than the Stronics’ battery, so that is a plus too! See the speed up, power on/off, and speed down buttons here closer-up. I love the sleekly metallic feel of the toy’s handle, Cadenza’s heaviest part:
I Had to Make It More Real
I have to admit that I do think Cadenza is a little much at times, just at that tip. I find it pushes in hard (on high speed especially!). And as someone who’s very sensitive to G-spot pressure, I’m naturally drawn to softer, broader stimulation.
So yeah, I stuck a series of softer silicone penis sheaths on Cadenza, in an effort to spread out the pressure from that focused curved tip. And, you know, make it feel more phallic. (Always going for the realistic dildos over here.)
My top pick ended up being the Performance Plus 10 Inch silicone extender, seen in the demo above. This extender makes Cadenza thick (lil over 2 inches wide) and pretty soft. The Performance sheath’s ridge is naturally pretty flat, so it was fun to feel Cadenza’s curved-finger tip pushing it forward—but more gently than Cadenza unsheathed (which goes faster and, again, is more pinpointed when it’s not covered by a thick added layer of silicone).
Overall, this is my best way to use Cadenza vaginally, on high speed with the soft sheath over it. Finishing by jerking Cadenza’s metallic handle a little, and all the while feeling the vibro-pulsation resonating through the whole setup. See the video above, or note here on how to make the sheath fit best on Cadenza.↗️2
If you don’t usually find yourself sensitive to vaginal pressure, then Cadenza alone probably will not overstimulate you, and you won’t be on a constant quest for soft ‘n’ fleshy dildos.
Recap / Ranking
FemmeFunn’s Cadenza is definitely new-fangled. Self-propelled sex toys have really started to boom over the last couple years, and Cadenza is a noteworthy addition to the pulsation party. It walks into the room all low-key and chill. But then the music starts and you can help but watch it twerking all over the dance floor, showing off its ass—that top jiggly-pulsing speed, that is.
If you’re considering a pulsating toy, then I’d recommend you stack the FemmeFunn Cadenza’s more impactful pressure (on top speed) vs. your need to avoid noise—since the Stronics are substantially quieter, nearly silent once inserted.
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- Super-speed fingertip
- Curved for pinpointing the G-spot
- Good battery life
- Sleek silicone; metallic handle feels great in hand
- Spot pressure only, doesn't stimulate vaginal mouth
- Noisy on highest speeds
- IPX5 and 6 are both “splashproof,” with the difference between the lower 5 ranking and higher 6 one being the force of the water jets. Undoubtedly water dripping off your body and onto the toy is much less forceful than the jets used in IPX testing.
- Performance Plus silicone sheaths are tight, IMO meant for below-average-thickness dicks. To apply: (1) Drizzle lube all inside the sheath, let the lube drip down. (2) Stick Cadenza inside, with a little force. (3) The pulsator may want to pop out. Hold it inside, then relieve the excess pressure by slipping one finger between silicone sheath and Cadenza. You should feel air escape. (4) If you want to make it easiest to apply the long sheath, cut a 1-inch vertical slit in the back of the Performance sheath (NOT with Cadenza anywhere near it). Sharp scissors are best. Do this part at your own discretion because the Performance Plus toy will not be covered by warranty after this. Mine’s silicone has not split any further beyond the initial cut.