Goodbye 2020: Best Sex Toys of the Worst Year

Image © EffinBirds.com. Buy their stuff, it’s cynically hilarious.

Shall I define the best sex toys of 2020, the worst year the majority of us have ever seen?1

Goodbye, 2020, so very NOT sorry to see you go. Traumatic and unexpected, this year was. Pandemic results included: Boredom, loneliness, fear over meeting new partners, relationships breaking apart… To name only a few 2020 problems. Obviously, sex toys are no match for crisis of these proportions. But still, many of us sought out extra pleasure (self-pleasure in particular) as a temporary refuge from the storms of quarantine blues and life anxiety.

In this year, the sex toy industry both suffered—from constant production and shipping delays related to COVID—and boomed, as online toy sales skyrocketed starting in April. (I’ve been working from home for 8 years now, so let me tell you, I understand procrasturbation.)

2020-best-sex-toys-worst-year review

So, the best toys, of the worst year… A few moments I don’t want to forget include how I (1) fell in love with a rabbit vibrator for the first time and (2) jumped into sex machine reviewing. So, without further ado, I’ll share my 2020 best-of sex toys… after I congratulate us all on just making it through, & here’s to better things ahead. 🥂

We-Vibe Nova 2

Flexible outside your body, soft and adaptable within. In my book, We-Vibe’s Nova 2 is the best clit & G-spot toy EVER. The rumbly vibrations and 10/10 comfort level, AND I can thrust it while it keeps massaging my clit? Win-win-win.

We-Vibe Nova 2 clit arm closeup
The clit arm bends downward to maintain clit contact. 👍 for softer silicone too.

Nova 2’s adaptability is a huge deal because clit-to-vag distance varies, and I’m someone who standard rabbits never fit well for. For its versatility, I’d also recommend the We-Vibe Melt + Pillow Talk Sassy combo, uniting my all-time favorite vibe & fave solo clit pulsator—because you can separate the two toys if desired / use them separately / use with other toys / use during PIV sex, etc.!

Velvet Thruster Prime

Velvet Thruster is great at improving existing designs, so the Velvet Thruster Prime series takes the thrusting speed of their first self-thrusting dildos and makes it easier to hold, with interchangeable shaft options, and a lil quieter. (The “easier to hold” part is tops!)

Velvet Thruster Prime Jackie suction cup base bathtub Phallophile Review
Velvet Prime Sammie, center (Jackie’s bigger brother), with suction cup attachment, tested between 2 other suction cup thrusters that don’t go as hard.

The Velvet Prime Sammie XL is of course my favorite for its thickness, especially along with the suction cup attachment (seen above!). Make sure to add the “Prime Suction Cup” accessory if you want that. Sammie is the larger version of the average-girth Jackie shaft.

I’m also enjoying the new Teddy GS model for G-spot massage, when I stick Teddy GS on top of some angled pillows and ride. Full review coming soon.

📖 Note: These toys are nice picks for self-propelled thrusting at around $250: they get pretty speedy and are super-easy to hide because they’re light and small. For bigger, weighter, and the fastest + most stall-resistant, see my full-size machine comparison here.

Satisfyer Curvy

New ‘n’ HOT, Satisfyer Curvy are clit pulsators like the Satisfyer Pro 2 Next Gen., but with vibration and long-distance compatible app control. And yet they don’t cost more than the Pro 2. It’s a 2020 miracle, tbh.

Satisfyer Curvy 2+, Curvy 3+, Curvy 1+ mouth size flat
Left to right: Curvy 2+ in “light pink,” Curvy 3+ (my favorite!), and Curvy 1+.

I’m testing these right now, and the functions are the same in all 3 Curvys: 11 pulsation speeds that surround and puff on your clit, then 3 steady vibration speeds (and 7 vibe patterns). The air puffs aren’t quite as strong as the Satisfyer Pro 2, so keep that in mind if your clit loves intense, but the Curvy vibes add some zest. Full review with details on the Satisfyer app coming soon!

Of the 3 toys, personally I prefer the Satisfyer Curvy 3+ because its mouth is the smallest—so it’ll create an actual seal around my not-large clit. If you’ve experienced any clitoral growth or are naturally large, the Curvy 1+ is the biggest hole of these toys (and Curvy 2+ is slightly smaller).

SquarePegToys Steve

I discovered the forgiving, fleshy feel of SquarePeg’s SuperSoft silicone realistics this year with Nathan, a thick favorite. Then SquarePegToys—known for its awesome anal toys—released Steve, a new life-cast dildo with serious curve for hitting the prostate/G-spot.

SquarePegToys Steve dildo SuperSoft Silicone dildo
Steve Harness actual size, SuperSoft Bronze, on top of the soap.

Steve’s SuperSoft platinum silicone is smoother, with gentle skin texture. Then its head just tugs and pulls. Softly, but insistently. Steve widens toward the base, so the squishy silicone keeps its curved shape better than a proportionally longer toy like Leo—which is really wiggly! Read Steve’s dimensions closely before buying, because Actual Size is 2 inches wide at bottom, not an average-sized dildo. Also read the story of Steve’s life-casting here!

Steve comes in the harness version, or in a Vac-holed version for sex machines.

👉 See also: Looking for a lil less thick but still comfortably soft thrusting? The Uberrime Splendid Vita is also amazing for G-spot and a work of marbled art. Full Vita review here.

Neo Elite Glow

Oooh, shiny—and dual-density! These Neo Elite Glow affordable platinum silicone dildos are clear outside, and colored underneath… Stick ’em in some sunlight and they glow like crazy in the dark.

Glow in the Dark Dildo Neo Elite dual density glow comparison top crop

Neo Elite Glow in the Dark feel similar to the original Neo Elite—just a liiiittle firmer in that soft outside layer. The 7.5 Inchers here are good for G-/P-spot (7.5 Inch with Balls); or for deeper play, suction cup use, and slow anal expansion (7.5 Inch no balls).

Oxballs Ergo Blueballs

Oxballs Ergo in “Smoke Smoosh” is a super-filling, very wearable butt plug. All day, at work, out and about, whatever. Ergo Blueballs here is a redone version in sparkly tri-tone blue that simply looks kick-ass.

Oxballs Ergo plugs Blueballs Smoke
Blueballs Ergos (small vs. medium) surrounding a Smoke Ergo, small.

Blueballs Ergo is a tad less squishy, which makes it easier to insert—and it’s still very flexible and good for several hours of wear. If you’re going for super-long-term, you might remain with the Smoke version, however!

These plugs excel if you like a little width: a stretched feeling anally. The curvy base is also amazing sitting between the butt cheeks + touching the perineum / taint.

Arcwave Ion

A WOMANIZER (or Satisfyer) FOR MEN. It’s a request I see made often enough, and one that’s frankly confused me.2 My thoughts aside, WOWTech (makers of Womanizer & We-Vibe) listened and created the Arcwave Ion.

Arcwave Ion Womanizer for men inside ribbing full review ed
Extra-soft & stretchy silicone, this sleeve is.

This toy growls and feels quite powerful in hand. It has a vibration-like quality, besides the air pulsing down within. WowTech opted to aim its Womanizer PleasureAir pulsing tech at the frenulum (back of the cock head) rather than encompassing the whole dick with air-puffs. You can stroke the super-soft silicone sleeve up and down your cock, the pulse tech simply doesn’t cover the whole shaft (unless you’re 4 inches long).

So I sent the Ion to a friend—full review coming soon—and his initial thoughts were that (1) yes it’s loud, (2) you will come fast the first time, (3) it could be a little longer, but (4) he would definitely buy it (even at $200). This is some serious rumbling tech!

AND THAT’S A WRAP, FOLKS.

Wishing you good things & some return to normalcy in 2021!

P.S. I bought a dildo from Pleasure Forge with colors inspired by Munch’s The Scream (cropped below), a symbol of existential angst; and I am hoping this thing arrives in time to close out 2020! Probably not, that would figure for 2020 😱 (Please don’t whine at your favorite retailers about USPS’s issues when you selected cheap shipping—or ever, really!) Stay well, y’all!

2020 best sex toys of the worst year

NOTES

  1. I’ve had shitty years before, but I do have to say that there’s a small amount of comfort in living this COVID crisis as a communal experience: It’s a problem that literally everyone has had to endure. So when I talk to a friend who I haven’t seen in a while, I can say, “omg what a shitshow this year is, how are you doing??” and everyone involved will understand and be able to bond over the common trauma, if we’re honest with each other.
  2. I’m more on a wavelength with all these dudes who want an automatic BJ machine: a penis-sucker, not a penis-blower.

One thought on “Goodbye 2020: Best Sex Toys of the Worst Year

  1. Blueflower

    December 26, 2020 at 9:52pm

    Hey Felicity! Someone else is thinking about sex toys today too (yay☺️) So, ummm. Harnesses.

    Looking at the Square Peg Toys and thinking about DP with a partner. Can ya point a gal in a helpful direction?? Asking for a friend😉

    Thanks for all your “hard” work- I’ve consulted your research A LOT in 2020. 🍆 Viva Phallophile!😘

    Permalink  ⋅ Reply
    • Author

      Felicity

      December 27, 2020 at 1:06am

      Hi, thank you so much for the kind words!!!

      What size SquarePeg? I ask because the bigger ones will require a more “specialty” harness.

      Permalink  ⋅ Reply
      • Blueflower

        January 3, 2021 at 3:40pm

        Of course! It’s the reason I’m still sane…

        I was thinking Nathan looks good to start? 🙂 The actual size is more my speed. For now, anyway. Don’t see myself working up to a Slink… never say never.

        Permalink  ⋅ Reply
  2. Lisa Stone

    December 27, 2020 at 9:29am

    It seems to me that it is thanks to, and not despite the fact that this year was such a difficult one, that sales of sex toys should have grown.

    Permalink  ⋅ Reply
  3. Evangeline

    January 1, 2021 at 5:32am

    Can you advise a dildo that’s dual density, 7 inches insertable length and 2 inches diameter? I cannot find one based on all the research I’ve done/ suction cup and fantasy colors preferred if possible.

    Permalink  ⋅ Reply
    • Author

      Felicity

      January 1, 2021 at 6:38am

      Hi! The closest match would be VixSkin Maverick, Tie-Bright. The base is suctiony if you slam it down hard on a flat surface to really seal it.

      This Pris Toys dildo might also be worth considering: very bright, close to those specs, long balls instead of suction cup.

      Permalink  ⋅ Reply

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