I love a thick dick that’s not too long. So I had to go for the Mr. Hankey’s Toys Topher Michels dildo, in original size. This lifecast cock is just under 2 maximum thickness and 5 inches long. That’s the 17th percentile for length but 99.88th for girth!!! The medium size is a huge step up, with 2.5 extra inches length and girth. I appreciate all you true size queens out there—you impress me. But with Topher, I wanted to keep it real.

And I made the right call. The Topher Michels dildo by Mr. Hankey’s Toys is super-soft silicone that’s perfect for spreading me open at the bottom, but that’s still easy to thrust (without warmup, for me). Here’s the real deal about how Topher and I work together…

Squishy-Soft Details!

This toy was molded from a real-life cock, belonging to porn star Topher Michels.¹ Hence the tremendous amount of detail! Topher Michels in Hankey’s lifecast has a lovely forward curve and a fascinatingly raised corona: the porn star’s ridge has a ring around the bottom, so it pulls more on G-spot (or prostate). Topher Michel’s bell-shaped head (max. diameter 1.6 inches), tapers quickly outward into the much-thicker shaft.

Hankey’s Toys makes incredible lifecast dildos, the best in this industry. (Step aside, Fleshjack/Fleshlight: your feel is nowhere near as good.) I put this down to the comfort of Hankey’s Toys’ 75% soft—about 00-50 Shore durometer—silicone. It’s squishy, malleable, and not at all draggy. The details are visually present, but subtle in use. Here’s what I can feel in Topher Michels’ dildo:

• The ringed corona
• The whole thick front side: smooth, with light skin texture
• The super-crinkly ball sack (especially if I turn Topher so my clit is resting on the balls)
• At certain angles, the strong vertical ridge where shaft meets scrotum

Every Hankey’s Toys review I write, I have to sing words of praise about the silicone’s finish. It’s a balance between (1) glossy-smooth (too slick for me) and (2) draggy (like Fun Factory dildos or some SquarePegToys realistics). Topher Michels isn’t quite as “gliding on ice” smooth as a well-lubed Hankey’s Nick Capra (review here) or VixSkin. Topher Michels’ skin lines are more noticeable if you are sensitive.

I’d say the Topher Michels dildo is this close to feeling as good as the silicone finish of the BMS Naked Addiction Dual-Density—which I may have a slight bias toward due to the two layer construction. (Firm core!) Topher, though it’s one of Hankey’s chode-ier models, folds over at the top of the Vac-U-hole when I start thrusting with wild abandon. And I want this to feel like an erection, right? So I’m invariably sticking a bullet vibe into Topher Michels’ Vac hole…

Vibrating Dual-Density

Adding an firm insert into Mr. Hankey’s Toys dildos with Vac-U-hole (a very popular option) makes them more stable.² I would 100% recommend adding a bullet vibrator into Topher Michels for both stability AND more sensation.

With bullet inserted, Topher Michels becomes a vibrating dual-density silicone dildo. The two-layer composition is: (1) softer-head plus gentle, like skin; but (2) with a hardness underneath. The bullet vibe only goes halfway up into the shaft, so it’s not 100% as stable as many (not all) dual-density silicone dildos. But vibration…

I’m so sold on this combo that, while I was adding a new vibe into my favorite sex toys page, I figured I might as well redo the dildo section too—for vibrating Topher Michels.

When I stick my favorite power bullet in, Topher Michels’ THICK lower shaft goes from quite good to exceptional. Topher’s ringed corona is hitting right above my G-spot, the lower shaft is spreading my lips and doing so much for my opening too—and then the vibrating balls. Because Topher’s balls are tighter than than Nick Capra’s longer ones, and Topher isn’t as long, the vibration carries even better.

Here are the best bullets that’ll fit into Topher Michels’ Vac hole:

• Sensuelle Point Plus for the strongest (pictured above!), or Sensuelle Point for still quite strong, to travel thru the soft silicone.
• We-Vibe Tango for rumblier vibration.
• Screaming O Charged Vooom if you want to sit on the toy: this shorter vibe won’t stick out.³
• BMS Essential Bullet for good power that’s super-affordable.

I’m forced to flip Topher around every couple minutes—to turn the toy’s ridge away from my G-spot, into the back wall of my vag—so I get a ridgy, textured scrotum just humming with power. Then it’s back the other direction, so Topher Michels’ ridged tip is pulling down my G-spot again as I wiggle the dildo in and out.

I mentioned sitting on Topher Michels: It’s easy because this is not a long dong. (In original size, at least: If you can take 8.5 inches circumference/somewhere over 2.5 inches diameter, you will get 6.75 inches usable length from the medium size.) And the soft silicone makes it less cervix-aggravating if you’re taking the toy vaginally and want all the length + thickness. When I start really getting into it with vibrating Topher Michels, the soft head feels great sliding right behind my cervix, as the balls hit the front of my vag. (You may have noticed by this point that I enjoy this toy a lot!)

Final Thoughts

Topher Michels is true-life detail with a supremely comfortable feel. It’s for anyone who wants fast but gentle screwing, or a nice stretch. It’s hard to go wrong with Hankey’s Toys 75% Soft silicone if you want a delicious squish in body-safe materials. And if you want firmer pressure, it is possible to order any Hankey’s Toy in a “medium-firm” silicone, which is still a flexible density that most closely approximates the hardness of an erection—but that lacks the softness of skin. As the popularity of Vixen’s VixSkin formula⁴ will attest, most users think that a softer outside feels most “real” (but this isn’t true of everyone).

Basically, I love vibrating Topher and have even found myself falling asleep with it under my arm, I have so much fondness for this silicone sculpture. (That’s dildo devotion.) It slightly edges out my previous Hankey’s realistic adventure, Nick Capra. Since Topher Michels and Nick Capra are similar toys—both lifecasts, with tapered heads, a short-ish length (proportionally), and textured balls—I’ll wrap up this dildo review with a quick compare-contrast of the two.

The Topher Michels Dildo is awesome for:

• A more pronounced—and ringed!—coronal ridge: I feel it more on my G-spot
• If you like it not-so-long (I can totally sit on this toy, no discomfort at all)
• Super-ridgy ball sack (💯 for rubbing on)
• Just a little more skin texture

And Nick Capra is best for:

• Super-smooth, gliding shaft
• Pushes you OPEN even more (original size is wider)
• Balls droop & flap more

Best of all, both have Vac holes, for either vibration or stable attachments!

Shop all Mr. Hankey’s Toys here.

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NOTES

1. Last name pronounced “Michaels,” not “Michelles,” in case you’re wondering.
2. The hole’s main function is to allow you to firmly secure Hankey’s dildos on a fucking machine attachment or Vac-compatible harness. (Because BIG = needs more support.)
3. You’ll need to push downward from the hop of the Vac hole, mid-shaft, to remove the bullet after use. If the hole is lubed up prior, extracting the bullet is no problem.
4. Outer layer of silicone approximately 00-20 Shore = super-extra soft.