Hot Octopuss Pocket Pulse Remote Review

As a sex toy reviewer, you win some, you lose some. Sometimes you love the interesting new toy and can’t stop talking about how awesome it is…and sometimes you just wonder what all the fuss is about.

My husband has recently stepped into this world, by agreeing to give my blog readers his perspective on penis and prostate toys. And, well…the Hot Octopuss Pocket Pulse Remote is one of those “you lose some” cases for him.

It’s a high-tech gadget for sure, with powerful vibrations. So what went wrong? And who might this vibrating penis toy actually work for?

A Little Background

The Pocket Pulse Remote is Hot Octopuss’ stab at making a smaller version of the very popular Pulse III. But while the Pulse III (and all the Pulses before it) oscillates, the Pocket Pulse vibrates. Like any luxury vibe, it’s USB rechargeable, and it comes with the obligatory satin drawstring bag. (Usually I care very little about these kinds of bags, but I’m glad for this one, because I don’t want to just chuck the P.P.R. plus remote in my dildo collection bins.)

Obviously, the Pocket Pulse Remote is remote-controlled, but if that’s not your bag, then you can save $14 by buying the normal, button-controlled-only Pocket Pulse. Either way, the toy is waterproof, with a hard ABS plastic shell and a silicone coating over the penetrable section and the flexible arm. (Which does extend quite a bit with pressure, but is fairly snug around an average-sized penis.)

The Pocket Pulse Remote takes quite a while to charge: about four hours. After waiting that long and then turning the toy on, I can understand why: the two motors are strong. And they’re also…

LOUD AF…And Buzzy

The Pocket Pulse Remote has seven vibration strengths, and even the lowest one is noisy, maybe like a loud electric toothbrush. As you progress through the vibration strengths (they’re all steady, no patterns), the sound moves from “dentist’s drill” all the way to “my neighbor has just started a leafblower twenty feet from my bedroom window.”

The vibrations are loud because they’re both strong and buzzy. The Pocket Pulse’s first (lowest) setting is a little rumbly. And then, as you turn up the vibration intensity, the vibrations get more and more buzzy (=surface level). They don’t travel through flesh especially well. This may be less of an issue for penis toys than clit vibes (what with so much of the clit being internal), but some folks—like my husband—will find the strong, buzzy vibes annoying.

Speaking of which, here’s what he has to say…

His Take

When it comes to jerking off, I’m a meat-and-potatoes man. My hand. A little lube. Maybe some saucy pornography.¹ And you got yourself some mojo magic. Only recently have I decided to start “peppering” up my wanking with toys. And as my wife said, you win some, you lose some.

Enter the Hot Octopuss Pocket Pulse Remote. First of all, this thing looks like an armadillo. Sorry, that’s immediately what I thought when we took it out of the box (I’m a Texan, so I am somewhat of an authority on armadillos).

It has a peculiar shape, and generally I like my masturbatory toys to envelop my entire cock. Well, my wife and I lubed this sucker up and decided to give it a test drive.

First of all, and to give the toy credit, I am circumcised like a lot of American men (unfortunately). I believe that if I were uncut, I would probably enjoy this sucker a lot more. Putting it on and focusing my attention on my cockhead doesn’t really do much for me at all. So, I decided to use it as a masturbatory aid while jerking.

Now, I like good vibrations as much as the next male. The problem with the Pocket Pulse is that it is so powerful, and because of the way this thing is shaped, all of the vibrations seem to be “lost” when it comes to my dick, but it all goes into my hand and wrist. In retrospect, it would probably be a great “hand massager,” great for guys (or gals!) who use kettlebells, perform barbell deadlifts, and other grip exercises. As a masturbatory aid…not so much.

There are several settings…I can’t really tell the difference between them, but they all pretty much vibrate with the intensity of a NASA space shuttle launch. The only problem is that this rocket isn’t going to where I need it to go. Sorry Houston, but there is a problem.

In the end, I apologize to the engineers over at Hot Octopuss, but I’m going to take a pass on this one. It’s just not my cup of tea. But your opinion might be different than mine! You never know unless you try.

My (Female) Take

So once we determined that he hated the Pocket Pulse Remote, I had to test out the vibrations myself. Now, I’m normally someone who could take or leave external vibrators (unusual, right?), but what the hell.

I find the buzzy-ness of the Pocket Pulse fun for a while. I can actually get off (weakly) on the first or second strength when I put the armadillo shell right in front of my vag. But whoa, the fourth setting and upward are just all BZZZZZZ. Again, fun to put in my underwear for a time, but not really getting me anywhere except slightly numbed.

And with partnered use, I was disappointed that the Pocket Pulse didn’t turn out to be the inverse of the b-Vibe Rimming Plug for us: so that he would enjoy the toy while I controlled it. Unlike the Rimming Plugs, whose controllers have four different buttons so that you can make endless patterns and intensities with the two motors, the Pocket Pulse Remote’s controls are plain: an up button and a down button. Maybe having the Pocket Pulse’s two motors function independently of one another would raise the price tag…but I can’t help feel that more options would be nice. (Again, I guess the Rimming Plug has spoiled us.)

Last Words

There’s no doubt that the Pocket Pulse Remote’s vibrations are strong. They’re surface-level and pretty gosh-darn loud too. Powerful, buzzier vibes—including the incredibly popular Magic Wand—work well for lots of penis owners. So, if you already know that you like vibration on your frenulum (or anywhere else on the penis), then I see no reason why the Pocket Pulse won’t work for you. Unfortunately, this buzzy intensity just didn’t do anything for my husband.

You can find the Hot Octopuss Pocket Pulse Remote here or the cheaper (non-remote-controlled) Pocket Pulse here.

* * *

1. My (Felicity’s) note: When asked what this meant, he answered that it involves redheads. Several of them, I assume.