I Visited a Sex Club—and Discovered 10 Truths about Myself (and Others)

In the upper level of the sex club, the lighting was dim. This was my partner’s and my first time at a sex club, ever, and we were both nervous. I struggled to make out the figures on the couches—four people in all. One couple lay against each other, resting, with one’s hand down the other’s blouse; the other pair consisted of a figure in a dress, going down on their partner. I watched their head bob up and down before my lover and I turned the other way, ready to explore.

We had no idea what what we were doing; he’d thought of the idea two days before, and I’d asked a resourceful friend for tips. My friend with benefits and I were both a bit anxious (me more than him!), but we were also eager see what we might find next. We visited the sex club (a.k.a. swinger’s club) two nights that long weekend, with a night’s break in between.

During those two visits, we felt a lot, we saw a lot, and we experienced a lot of new things. This article details the most hard-core sexual experiences of my life: the series of events my lover and I lived that weekend at the sex club, and what I discovered from each encounter.

Takeaway: Swinging is something that both partners in a relationship should be on the same page about, otherwise it can aggravate preexisting insecurities and tensions. As well as bring up new things: both good and/or bad, depending on you two!
🚩 Know the risks! If you’re opening your monogamous relationship up, it’s important for everyone’s health that you understand STI risks. One-time encounters may not transmit infection, but the more you play with more people, the more microbes you’re coming into contact with — so the higher risk you are at for:

    1. HPV: Get vaccinated if you have not been: Human papilloma virus can cause cancer, in cases where the body’s immune system doesn’t clear it naturally. Cervical cancer, as well as mouth/throat and colorectal cancer, depending on which part of your body is in contact with the other person’s fluids or skin. HPV is the most common STI, and while 90% of cases of oncogenic HPV clear up naturally, those infections that remain vaginally for 5+ years will tend to progress into cervical cancer, etc., if untreated. Anyone under age 46 in the United States can be vaccinated for HPV, to prevent against the common cancer-causing strains (like HPV-16 and 18) as well as strains that cause genital warts (6 & 11). You do not need a prescription: Walgreens or CVS will administer these vaccines upon request, but you need to get 3 doses for full coverage: 1st dose, 2nd dose 1-2 months later, 3rd dose 6 months after the 1st dose.
      ◘ Herpes: Approximately 50% of the United States population has at least 1 type of herpes, which the body cannot eliminate. It becomes embedded in your DNA, and blisters or sores may pop up randomly, or any time your immune system is weakened. 85 to 90% of people who have herpes are unaware of it, but those who are affected can experience recurrent and painful outbreaks, as well as frequent nerve pain. Oral herpes is more common than genital herpes; however, HSV-1 can also be transmitted to the genitals through oral sex, and someone can be shedding the virus even if they don’t have an active outbreak. Antiviral medications can reduce transmission, but do NOT cure herpes.
      ◘ Antibiotics do clear bacterial infections like chlamydia, syphilis, and gonorrhea. Thus, they do not remain in your system lifelong like an embedded virus.
  • Condoms help prevent transmission, but may not be 100% effective if the condom is sliding up on the penis during faster thrusting, or if the affected area includes the host’s thighs or balls. And, I’ll tell you from experience: NO ONE at sex clubs uses dental dams, so you won’t be protected from orally acquired infections (like herpes-1 often is, with the potential to cause lifelong cold sores).

    1. We Watched Them Screw, and I Squirted All Over

    After checking out the front room, we walked down the main hallway and surveyed the rest of the premises. It was still early-ish, on a weekend; the place wasn’t hopping. But then we saw the first couple going at it. They were in one of the mini-bedrooms lining one side of the hallway; the curtain to their enclosure was mostly open. They wanted to be watched. My friend with benefits and I stopped right across from the open curtain, next to another couple who were also there for the view. My lover pressed his weight against me, so I was almost touching the other woman out in the hall, while all four of us watched the first couple fuck.

    He was eating her out at first. She was clearly enjoying it. I’d never seen anyone else screw before—not in person, not 8 feet away from me. It didn’t take me long to get adjusted, though; it helped that my lover’s hands were down the elastic waistband of my stretchy jeans already. The screwing couple changed positions, so that her dark curves were bouncing, her breasts jiggling, as her partner gave it to her doggy-style. They weren’t young, but he had some stamina. We stayed outside their room for the next five minutes as he pounded her enthusiastically.

    I’d come already, about 30 seconds after my lover found my vulva. My clit was throbbing before he even touched it, engorged from watching the others. My first orgasm had been weak, because I was unsure of myself, nervous about the situation. But I kept looking at the people around us, and he rubbed his fingers against me more. He leaned over and whispered into my ear, “Come for me. Come now.”

    So I did, and then the orgasm continued as I looked up to see them still screwing right in front of us. I came so hard that I squirted on my jeans a little. And my FWB was still going on me, and they were still going, and I orgasmed again, even harder. The fluids dripped around the seam of my pants, and I could tell I’d have a wet spot. But WTF, I thought, It’s a sex club, no one cares.

    The discovery: I’m a voyeur.

    2. They Looked at Me While I Blew Him

    The first night we visited the sex club was a normal weeknight—not the “couples night” we would come back for two days later—so there were a good number of single men. And this is why I enjoyed that ratio more than my FWB.

    Eventually, he decided that he was ready to have his cock sucked. An hour, and a couple drinks, into the sex club adventure, and he was getting used to the public exposure that came more naturally to me. We went into “the porn room,” a theater with four rows of couches and—you guessed it—a large screen where pornos were playing. He sat, and I kneeled and got his dick out. It took me a minute to get a rhythm going, but then I felt like I was doing some very effective cock-sucking. When I stopped to push back a strand of hair, I noticed that there were two men watching. One man on each side of our sofa, leaning against the room’s walls—and not facing the screen exactly, but also not quite facing us. They were looking at both the porno and me sucking my partner’s hard-on. I thought this was hot, so I redoubled my efforts.

    But a minute later, my lover told me to stop, and he put his erection back in his pants. The men jerking off to our sides were having a decidedly different effect on him than on me. He thought they were a turn-off, whereas I was basking in the experience because I knew each of the men must be wishing that I was giving him a BJ in the theater.

    The discovery: I love feeling desired.

    3. He Told Me to Find the Unicorn…and I Failed

    Two days later, we were back for a second night. We’d returned to a place where everyone was gathered specifically for sex…and still I hadn’t worked up the nerve to ask anyone new for sex, for fear of being rejected. It seemed so nerve-wracking!

    I was trying to let him live out his unicorn fantasies…we’d ended up at the club because finding a woman who wanted a couple for a weekend seemed next to impossible, even on Tinder. (In retrospect, we could’ve set aside some time to check out Swingtowns.com, where you can be very clear what you’re looking for and there are all kinds of kinky folks specifically looking for non-monogamous sex.)

    My lover and I were nestled together on the couch, watching people pass by. Waiting.

    “I’m sorry I’m so bad at this,” I apologized to him. I felt bad! I wanted for him to have his fantasy of playing with another couple—another woman, specifically—fulfilled. Earlier I’d promised that I would do the asking because I’d lost a bet we’d made—involving his ass. Now here I was, failing at keeping my word.

    He just held me…then another couple sat down next to us. As the woman turned our way, I wondered what she could have to say to us.

    The discovery: God, I’m such an anxious introvert. Rejection is terrifying!

    4. We Swapped Partners—and Then the Other Couple Fled

    So we started talking to this couple; the woman, a curvy redhead, was leading the way. After about five minutes of chit-chat about sex clubs they’d visited before, she came right out and asked if we wanted to play with them.

    I shoved down my nervousness and waited to see how the events would proceed. We told them we’d never done anything like this before—that we were virgins at non-monogamous play. I thought the hook-up would run really smoothly when she took us off to the side and asked if we had any limits, and what we were expecting. This could be real communication!

    But it takes me about a day to process anything really novel, so I didn’t have an answer, and my partner didn’t say anything either. I think we both hadn’t thought far enough ahead to believe that partner-swapping would become a reality; it just seemed so far out.

    With no real boundaries set, all four of us moved into one of the partitioned-off bedrooms. I honestly didn’t know what to do so with so many people in such a small space, so I started sucking my man’s cock. It was comfortable. But then she was over him, and her partner had his uncut cock out too, so I started playing with it before realizing, “Wait? But what? The condoms? What about the condoms?” But his cock was in my mouth already, and she was sucking on my lover’s penis while he was lying back, oblivious. Communication fail #1.

    A minute after that, the other man—a dark, Hispanic man—said something to his partner, the redhead. Then they both moved away from the bed, rearranged their clothes, picked up the drinks they’d brought in…and left.

    My lover and I looked at each other, perplexed. “What happened?”

    We never did find out why they left us, LOL.

    The discovery: Communication is always hard—but it’s nearly impossible when you’ve just met, it’s too loud, people are drinking, and you feel like you’re in an alternate reality because Is this really happening???

    5. He Liked Sucking on Her Tits Far Too Much

    So during this first encounter I was distracted by the other man’s penis, because (1) I’m always very nervous about taking new (male) partners, and (2) I was trying to not be overwhelmed by the whole situation—the newness of it, the strangeness of it.

    When I wasn’t trying to figure out how to interact with this new man who I had no fucking clue about, I managed to glance at my lover and the redhead a couple times. He was fondling her large breasts, sucking on them. I knew he was loving it. Some part of me was glad that he was getting what he wanted, but the larger part of me felt hurt and wanted to knock this bitch aside, in a primal-kinda way. I think I probably could’ve taken her.1

    It turns out, I suck at sharing—especially when I feel threatened by the competition.

    The discovery: I’m competitive and possessive.

    6. I Rode His Cock in the Porn Room, and I Wanted More

    As the evening wore on, I pressed my lover to screw me. Not with his fingers, which he did many times that night as we watched other couples play. I got off, a lot. But I wanted his dick in me, preferably in one of the open areas.

    He’d agreed to this several times during the night. Finally, I said I was frustrated. Was this going to happen, or not? He abruptly turned and went downstairs. I followed him, wondering what was up; when we got to the noisy bar counter, he managed to order another screwdriver (a fittingly named drink, that night) and then told me he couldn’t do it without more to drink. His nervousness hadn’t occurred to me, because I was so gung-ho on the idea.

    Half an hour later, he led me past the lounge and into the porn room. It was an open room, but right then, no one was there except one couple in the far front row. It was a compromise, really: not teeming with people, but with the potential for anyone to see us. He was still nervous, though he’d had his dick out, to be sucked, several times before. Somehow penetration was different for him than oral. More performance-driven, maybe.

    I made him hard, and then I kicked off my shoes and pulled off my pants and underwear. When I sat on him, I knew this was what I’d been waiting for the whole night. It was getting late, and I was tired, but I was so ready to fuck in public.2

    I sank down onto his thighs, while reaching back and sliding his hard-on into me. I would’ve come immediately if it wasn’t past 1 a.m. already. But I rode him, moved gently up and down, and I felt the contraction wanting to come on a minute later. I whimpered and moaned as the orgasm came out of me. I wanted them to know I was coming, as his thickness pushed my labia open and I took all his length. I could sense movement behind me, as people came into the room, and I wanted to keep going forever.

    The discovery: I’m an exhibitionist even more than a voyeur—I love being watched.

    7. We Watched the Orgy

    At 2 a.m. on a Sunday morning,3 the “orgy room” came alive. I’d seen it called that in a review we’d read before we hit the club the first night, and now I understood why.

    I couldn’t even count how many people were there, up on the circular platform. More than ten, definitely; a dozen. Bodies entwined, touching, mostly in pairs—but with the pairs interacting in various ways, touching each other. There was so much going on during this sexfest, I can’t even remember all the ways they moved.

    Fast-forward a day: Late the next afternoon, my lover and I were strolling through the city, enjoying the last hours of our trip. We started talking about our overall experience: we thought it was A LOT. A lot to process. We weren’t making moral judgments; it wasn’t about “good” or “bad,” “right” or “wrong,” or even “fun” or “crazy.” Put simply, the orgy was mind-boggling.

    The discovery: He and I can still be surprised: we’re jaded as hell, but even we thought the orgy was A LOT.

    8. She Licked My Pussy, and Hell Yeah I Enjoyed It

    We were still watching the orgy when I sensed a woman, on the stool next to mine, eying me. My FWB was pressing against me, so I was very close to her. It was two-thirty in the morning at this point and I was getting tired—so I can’t even tell you for sure how it happened. But all of sudden I was kissing a woman for the first time in my life.

    She had her own man there with her too, and two minutes later we were all in one of the mini-bedrooms. My lover was amused by this; I could tell he wasn’t as much into this older woman, but he was amused at seeing me with another person with a vagina, and I was in it for the adventure. Plus, she felt non-threatening to me.

    This woman gave me the best cunnilingus that I’ve ever had in my life. She was truly devoted. She just kept going. It was great!

    Still, I was glad that my partner was attending to her, smacking her harder and harder on the ass as she squealed with pleasure, then eventually finger-banging her. Because I wasn’t interested; I wanted to receive, but not give.

    Apparently, having sex with another woman makes me into the kind of selfish asshole that my FWB can be in bed: the kind who prefers to lie back and just be serviced. What can I say, I truly wish I liked vulvas more.

    The discovery: I’ll take sex from another woman—as long as I don’t have to do any of the work.

    9. I Tried Sucking the Other Man’s Cock While She Ate Me Out

    While she was giving me head, this woman’s partner was being demanding. He kept begging to fuck me, and eventually he got his fingers in. As much as I like attention, at this point—amazingly, for me—I’d had enough sex. It was late, and I was done.

    And really, when I look back on both our foursome encounters that night, I felt like the second man was a third wheel. I may be all about the penises—witness all my realistic dildo reviews—but…I think I’m just bad at multitasking. I don’t like dividing my attention; I can’t focus on the pleasure of two other people plus my own. Again, it’s too much for me personally.

    The discovery: One man at a time is enough, seriously.

    10. He Told the Other Man He Couldn’t Fuck Me

    Toward the end of the second foursome, as mentioned, the other dude was pushing. Hard. I was being pleasured, his partner was being pleasured, while I was doing a half-assed job of playing with his cock. He asked me if we could fuck. I didn’t care, so I told the dude that he should ask my lover.

    The latter said no. Over the next five minutes, the other guy asked two more times. Eventually he tried negotiating with me, asking me to persuade my friend with benefits/occasional dom to let him in my vagina. I told the other man, “You can try, but he’s one hard motherfucker to persuade,” and I laughed. Truly, I was enjoying all this.

    With this man, my friend with benefits, I’ve discovered I’m more submissive than I would’ve admitted at this time last year: like how we’ve tried out light bondage and it’s pretty fun! I used to think I had domme tendencies. Sure, I enjoy delivering a bit of impact play occasionally, and I like giving it to a man in the ass, but really…I want the one I’m with to say I’m his. It’s a turn-on.

    The discovery: I want to be claimed.

    Final Thoughts

    We were exhausted after that—we went back to the hotel. We rinsed off quickly, then he held me and we fell asleep right away. It was the first day of my life that I remember thinking, “WOW, I have really had enough sex today.”

    I was glad to be back with my lover, cuddling. I wouldn’t take back the multiple encounters we had, because they’d shown me different things. But I needed to be in the arms of this asshole who I felt so comfortable with. I wanted for him to validate me, to want me.

    He said that being with different, random people in the club was like trying out different flavors—a buffet, if you will. My experience wasn’t like that, though. Being with other men just confused me, and seeing him with the first woman—the one I knew he was attracted to—made me upset deep down, as much as I tried to push the feeling away. I’ve read about compersion, but I can’t grasp feeling of being glad for one’s partner when they’re with another lover. It doesn’t make sense to my animal brain. I admire people who are polyamorous, but I’m not sure I’m cut out for it myself.

    💖Update: Hey, it’s 2021, and I’m hitting the sex club scene alone now, and plan to write another article this year on my new adventures as a unicorn. My experiences described in the rest of this piece are valid, but I’m seeing a brighter side of “swinging” — a.k.a. the lifestyle — now that I’m out of a relationship where I always felt deep-down that my partner would throw me away once he got too bored with me. But it’s good, because I’ve never been boring, but now I know how to avoid fools, abusers, and assholes in my life. 🙌🏼 I’ve met a number of couples lately who have a committed, caring relationship and just enjoy (1) chilling at the club and (2) adding variety to their sex life. Good. For. Them!

    In the end, the sex club taught me a lot about my preferences. Mainly, I may be a big exhibitionist, but I’m not drawn to couples play or partner-swapping. Meanwhile, my friend with benefits is the opposite. I think we made some good compromises that last night, so that each of us got what we really wanted: he got to play with two women in one sex session, while I got to screw him in front of strangers.

    Would we do it again? Maybe, with clearer boundaries this time (and condoms all the way). It remains to be seen! In my life since I became a sex blogger, I can’t tell you what new craziness will arise next.

    * * *


    1. This is a joke. Mostly. Kind of.
    2. In front of people who had consented to watching, that is. I’m not totally sure about the whole public-play vibrator thing still. We’ll see.
    3. Truly a world away from what Sunday mornings once were for me.

    12 thoughts on “I Visited a Sex Club—and Discovered 10 Truths about Myself (and Others)”

    1. How do people even find sex clubs? Do you just get lucky and know someone who’s a member or is there some sort of Yellowpages for pervs that I should know about? I’d love to experience one.

      • I was referred to swingersclublist.com, and we picked a club that had 25 different reviews so we had an *some* idea of what we were getting into, at least as far as the facilities.

    2. This is one experiment I’m going to be perfectly happy with reading about but never trying for myself. Just not wired for it.

    3. This was so informative, and your honesty and openness is so amazing! I’ve always fantasized about being the only woman at an all-male club, but I know that would be unattainable. I don’t think I could handle a lot of these situations (at least those involving physical contact) with a partner due to possessive feelings, but they do make for a sexy read…

    4. Great post, thanks for sharing! Much respect for going through with this, for the honest dealing with your emotions, and, above all, for sharing all that.

    5. I’ve always been very curious and interested in a similar venture. However my partner, who behind closed doors is satisfyingly kinky, is neither an earnest voyeur or exhibitionist. Being senior citizens may be a valid factor. We certainly enjoyed your sharing of your adventure and frank perspective. Your reviews are an invaluable resource when we’re seeking new toys! Sorry for the overdue response. You do help keep us wet and up!

      • Hey, thanks for the comment! Really appreciate the compliment.😊

        I think it’s worth going at some point in the future (omg I’m dying to travel again, c’mon coronavirus vaccine) just to scope out a nice club, see how the both of you like the feel. It’s definitely not for everyone: later, my partner has admitted that basically, he was mostly interested in using it like a strip club, just to look at some T&A mostly from a distance, and he is really not comfortable actually screwing in public. Whereas I love having sex in front of people *as long as* I feel very safe, which for me means only being with someone I have an established sexual connection with already.

        You really can find out a lot about yourself from the experience, it’s fascinating.

    6. Love this article. It’s nooks your FWB, I love sharing my wife with other men. We have only done it a couple of times but want to do this at a sex club. Any words of wisdom?

      • Yeah, don’t do it. It’s very dangerous in terms of viral and bacterial transmission, even when condoms are used for PIV sex; and damaging to most relationships. Nothing to be admired in my FWB’s attitude, he’s just a cheater.


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