First Things First: A Disclaimer
Everyone’s anatomy is different, and that’s OK. My site happens to be about toys that I’ve found work well for me internally because they stimulate the so-called G-spot, but I absolutely can’t say that for everyone, orgasms due to stimulation inside the vagina are necessarily better than orgasms from external stimulation (not that you have to only do one at a time!). Women who can’t get off from vaginal stimulation aren’t broken.
I also am very cisgendered, so I’m writing from that perspective. I realize that gender is often more black-and-white than our binary options for sex chromosomes (either XX or XY) indicate, and that’s amazing.
If you hang around enough sex blogs and discussion boards, it’s inevitable that you’ll come across one statistic: 75% of women cannot orgasm from penis-in-vagina sex. Now, this common paraphrase isn’t quite correct—the statement should be that 75% of women do not frequently orgasm from PIV sex without external-clitoral (or manual) stimulation. This means that it’s NOT absolutely impossible for all of that 75% to orgasm from PIV without simultaneous (external) “clit stim,” as I’ll call it for short. These figures come from Elisabeth Lloyd’s 2006 work The Case of the Female Orgasm: Bias in the Science of Evolution. Lloyd’s complete figures, “drawn from 32 studies, conducted over 74 years,”1 are as follows:
- 25% of women almost always orgasm during PIV without clit stim.
- 45% of women sometimes orgasm from PIV without clit stim.
- 25% of women never orgasm from PIV without clit stim.
- 10% of women never orgasm at all, from any type of stimulation.
So why is this the case? It all boils down to what the clitoris really is and how it evolved.
What Is a Clit? Let’s Talk Evolution.
If you’re not extremely interested in evolutionary biology, skip reading the entirety of Elisabeth Lloyd’s book on female orgasm, cited above. In short, Lloyd’s theory is that the female orgasm isn’t an evolutionary adaptation in itself (that is, it doesn’t serve to help us survive as a species). Instead, she believes female orgasm is a “vestigial trait”: because the clitoris and the penis originate from the same structure in a human embryo, and penile orgasm is a must for people to reproduce, the clitoral orgasm is simply a happy by-product. The analogy given by Lloyd (and developed by her mentor, Stephen J. Gould) is that men have nipples even though they’re not able to breastfeed children (just like women have clits even though, according to this theory, nature doesn’t care whether they orgasm). Personally, I find Robert J. King’s rebuttal of this hypothesis to be invigorating. I think it’s important to cite King at length as he stands up for the clit (har, har):
Are orgasms important things? The by-product account says no, these things are not biologically important. In fact, by-product advocates claim that women are lucky to ever get orgasms at all… Frustrated women are set aside – according to the by-product account the clitoris did not evolve under its own selection pressure and can therefore not be expected to work properly.
But perhaps these scholars are mistaken. Perhaps the clitoris is not a broken or imitation penis, but instead is a highly sensitive, beautifully designed, measuring instrument. Knowledge of its true complex structure prompts this view, especially its nature when aroused – as depicted in three – dimensional sonography in 2009…2
But What Does This Have to Do with the G-Spot?
No one has ever been able to actually document the G-spot through sonography, so the majority opinion today3 is that the G-spot is actually the aroused internal clitoris pressing up against the frontal (anterior) wall of the vagina—the side facing the external clit (or clitoral glans). This article originally published on the Museum of Sex’s website explains it well, with nice diagrams.
This makes a lot of sense, as the G-spot’s “location,” in my experience, does seem more like a fairly broad section of vaginal wall that particularly likes being massaged: according to Australian researcher Helen O’Connell, “The vaginal wall is, in fact, the clitoris.” It also likes pressure—hence the “G-spot curve” that many toys feature. This pressure, then, pushes the vaginal wall into the aroused internal clit (in most cases; as discussed earlier, individual anatomy differs a lot).
The blogger Edward Clint explains the variability of “G-spot” structure particularly well when he says,
Also, because structures of the clitoral complex vary in size and position person to person, and they are dynamic with things shifting around based on arousal and touching or insertion, it’s not strange that the G-spot (if it can so be called) is not in any universally reliable spatial location or even present in all individuals during sex.4
It’s also interesting to note that the internal clit’s existence may explain the so-called A-spot (A for “anterior fornix”), an area that’s described as being high up on the frontal wall of the vagina, right before the cervix. Again, due to the variable structure of individual clitorises, some people prefer A-spot stimulation to (lower) G-spot stim.
So How Do I Find My G-Spot and Have Orgasms including It?
Ah, the big question. My answer is: trial and error. And lots of practice. ☺ It is totally possible to learn how to have stronger internal orgasms, in my experience. Here are a few ideas, some or many of which may work for those who want to improve their G-spot orgasms:
- Strengthen your pelvic floor (through doing Kegel exercises and/or having more and multiple orgasms).
- Warming up with external-clitoral orgasms is a good start for some people.
- Using a vibrator externally (I love the We-Vibe Tango!) while exploring your vagina with fingers or a quality, body-safe sex toy works well for most people.
- G-spot curves can be really great because they put pressure on the frontal wall. This just means that you don’t want your dildo to be both really straight and firm (because super-firm silicone won’t bend much at all).
- However, some people (who need more pressure) find that harder, less-bendy toys work the best. The Njoy Pure Wand is a common suggestion.
- Other people enjoy a good curve and/or a large coronal ridge combined with softer, more life-like silicone. If softer silicone (that feels more like an actual cock) seems better for you, check out my Silicone Dildo Firmnesses page, especially the section on dual-density toys.
- For PIV, cowgirl is said to be the best sex position for G-spot stim because it gives the woman the most amount of control over the angle and the speed of penetration.
- Quote from this New York Times article.
- See King’s full article in Psychology Today for more information and interesting references.
- See the 2005 study on clit anatomy by Dr. Helen O’Connell et al., summarized by BBC News here, that indicates that the clit is composed of underlying erectile tissue that connect to the vagina and urethra. French researchers Odile Buisson and Pierre Foldes, who seek to repair women damaged by genital mutilation, have likewise done sonographic imaging that shows “a close relationship between the root of the clitoris and the anterior vaginal wall.”
- “The Clitoris Revealed,” Skeptic Ink, August 12, 2013.