Prepare to get *POUNDED*. OMG! My Hismith review covers the Hismith Premium sex machine & how I’ve enjoyed it—vs. my previous fave fuck machine. The Premium machine with remote control (& long-distance app!) has occupied me. Thoroughly. For a full month. And when I say “occupied me,” I mean there’s an hour carved out into my schedule for the machine 4 days a week—an hour in which I come, and come, and come again. (The other 3 days, I gotta take a rest, phew!)
Thrust power is what the Hismith Premium gives you—the amount of power & torque previously reserved for machines twice its price. But the biggest surprise when I first used the Hismith Premium sex machine, though? The low volume. Wow, this is a quaratine- and apartment-ready sex machine. And it’s long distance controllable too if you get the Premium with Remote version! Quarantine victories?!
Finally, after all my intense research,1 I’ve managed to pull myself away from this Hismith sex machine and write about ease of assembly, how well the long-distance app works, dildo attachments, and other Hismith Premium pros and cons! Skip to the end of this Hismith review for a 10% Hismith discount code & quick recap of this more affordable sex machine.
- 1 Hismith Sex Machine Premium Features
- 2 My Hismith Experience Run-Down
- 3 Hismith App Review: Long-Distance Sex Machine Control
- 4 Hismith Vs. Kink Power Banger
- 5 Hismith Attachment Options & Dildo Suggestions
- 6 How to Adjust Hismith Premium Stroke Length
- 7 Shipping and Assembly
- 8 Warranty and Care
- 9 Overall Hismith Sex Machine Recap
- 10 Hismith Premium sex machine
- 11 Pros
- 12 Cons
Hismith Sex Machine Premium Features
There’s no question Hismith sex machines are the top name if you want a hard-fucking machine with adjustable stroke length—not just adjustable angle—that is not mega-expensive.
At $400 to $500, the stronger Hismith machines are certainly not cheap. It’s a commitment, getting one: a commitment to good, consistent screwing.
Hismith’s name comes up over and over again, if you talk to real-life people. I saw the Hismith machines mentioned over and over again on the Reddit sex-related subs I follow, as very satisfying but not as pricey. (Ken’s Twisted Mind is the big name if you’re going for an American-made product: those have a lifetime warranty, and the most comparable machine to the Hismith Premium [which costs $360 with discount] by Ken’s is the Sneaky Pete, priced at $679.)
The Hismith Premium fucking machine’s power comes from its 100-watt “mute turbine” motor. That means it’s real quiet. (More on the noise level in My Experience & following YouTube vid.) And also very strong! In comparison to the Hismith Premium’s 100 watt power, the cheaper Hismith Table Top 2.0 has 48 watt motor power, where more watts equals more force (not to mention that the Table Top doesn’t have an adjustable frame for like really hard doggy and anal positioning). But back to Hismith noise level: That’s so exciting, the low volume: I’ve been frustrated by the Velvet Thruster dildos’ loudness sometimes, for example. So I was ready to give it a go…
My Hismith Experience Run-Down
Smooth. So very smooth. That’s how I’d describe the thrusting of the Hismith Premium sex machine, once I got it up and running.
It feels polished, steady, consistent. A robotic-like precision. Up to over 300 thrusts per minute. I like to start much slower, though…
The twist-dial controller is perfect. Really a necessity for any good machine. It’s so simple, and very user-friendly. Anyone could figure it out.
Assembling the machine was a bit of work for me, as I’ll note later. I’m a wordsmith, not an engineer, so it took me about an hour. But my efforts paid off!
Figuring out the KlicLok connector was next: how to properly secure the dildo, and then how to remove it to clean the toy afterward. The Vac-U-Lock connector and all other attachments (discussed later) employ the KlicLok system, which is ingenious.
Then adjusting the angle of the thrust arm… There are flip-up, flip-down levers on both bars of the frame perpendicular to the ground. Lift up one lever while supporting the Hismith Premium motor body, lower the body so the angle adjusted where you want it, then flip the lever back into place.
And finally it’s time—time for an easy or hardcord thrust session, whatever pleases you. The machine is wall-powered, so of course you can go for as long as you want too, the batteries won’t die.
I start at speed 20; interestingly, 10 doesn’t actually move the machine after I have a dildo inserted in me. 15 is where the juice starts.
I move up to 40 on the speed control dial pretty quick. That’s Score. Around 50 on the speed dial is what feels most natural to me, most like good intense human sex.
I’ll finish at 50 to 60 W of power most times. Unless I’m really feeling the need for intense action, in which case I’ll toy with the app and find some fun patterns that max out at full speed. Eeeeeeeeh, wow. 😵
I started squirting from using the Hismith Premium and Magic Wand, on occasion. I have to be in the mood for it—but when I am, it can turn into a fountain. I’ve never squirted from sex with a penis, so this is something new. And so very wet. Have a waterproof blanket of some variety ready, just in case.
I’m a fan of soft + realistic dildos (they’re more comfortable, more fleshy), so I recommend a good American-made platinum silicone phallus with the Hismith Premium machine + Vac-u-Lock connector attachment. My favorite Vac-U-Lock dildos have been:
- Topher Michaels original by Hankey’s Toys (the smallest dildo I’ve found that can support a Vac hole!);
- SquarePegToys Nathan with SquarePegHole for a thick ridge; and
- Uberrime Large Splendid with Hole for a big-head feel. Very round, very bulbous.
If you’re wanting an average-sized dildo (the above are all kinda thick), then the included Hismith dildo attachment is a popular realistic shape that hopefully will work for you.
I’ve mentioned the low volume a couple times already, because that is awesome. My Hismith goes fast but does NOT make a racket, the kind of noise that handheld thrusters emit and that I, for example, didn’t want to use during quarantine when I had my family around all the time. Or if I wanted a real hard screw at night, after my kids are asleep, any day of the week…
On the first half of the speed range especially, the Hismith Premium is barely audible. One thing to note is that you can’t down out noise by putting a blanket over it, like you could with a normal vibrator: the blanket could get caught in the thrust mechanism. Instead, go with a video playing or low music to drown out the Hismith machine’s low hum if you need privacy.
Another noise tip: For some reason, speed “80” (80W) on the twist-dial controller is noisiest. Skip from the low 70s up to 88 W, and you’ll keep the noise under 50 decibels, always. Personally, I can come hard enough on 40 Watts and a quick night-time session, so that’s barely above ambient noise level (about 8 decibels more).
I’ve primarily used the Hismith Premium vaginally, but the excellent torque and motor power make it well-suited for anal. This is not a machine that you’ll have to restart after making it stall out (like is the case with handheld thrusters or lower-powered machines when too much force is put against them). Adjusting the Hismith machine angle from my preferred missionary-esque vaginal position to doggy-style was simple, and then I used the included 6 Inch Silicone Dildo attachment for a real anal ride. (Well, a gentle one—I don’t like my anal too speedy, so I was maxing out at about 45 W on the dial!) Right when the dildo’s head eased past my sphincters, its movement slowed slightly; and then the machine kept thrusting very smoothly afterward. (Having a Magic Wand out is especially great in this position, leaning forward doggy-style.)
If you’re not wanting to deal with the cord in hand, the Hismith Premium APP Sex Machine has (1) a separate remote control (two simple buttons) and (2) is app controllable for long-distance play and thrusting pattern creation. My real-life findings on that next.
Hismith App Review: Long-Distance Sex Machine Control
The Hismith APP enabled sex machine version ($100 more than the normal Hismith Premium) is worth considering if:
- You really like thrusting patterns — escalation, teasing jumps, etc.
- You have a long-distance partner who you want to fuck you from afar.
The Hismith app of course requires you to enter an email address to create an account, then they send you a verification code. Afterward, you choose a username, as well as a birthdate and country location. I chose my pseudonym and easy numbers, a false birthday, and China was already selected so I didn’t bother changing that.
After creating the account, if you have your twist-dial controller turned on, the Hismith machine will easily pair. This app controlled Hismith stays paired, too; every time I’ve been in the app and then turned on the controller, it’s linked immediately. No glitches or needing to reconnect (*cough* We-Connect *cough*).
The Hismith app first takes you into “Play Mode.” You can access the other modes—”Play Remote” being the worthwhile one—by clicking the circular arrow button (see center shot, above) that appears as you scroll down the patterns. Then you’ll see all the function options.
I’ve had fun exploring the patterns mostly. Since this machine can go so fast, the increases may sometimes be startling, like how I really can’t stand top speed personally, so I’ve flipped off my controller to kill the Bluetooth connection on one pattern. (Flipping back to the pattern selection screen does the same, stops the thrusting.) Most are pretty takeable, and fun for something different.
Of course you can create your own patterns too, so you won’t get unexpectedly overwhelmed. It’s a little tricky to figure out where to do this: Under “Play Mode,” where you see everyone else’s preset patterns, you have to tap on “Mine” at the top of the screen, middle left-ish. There, “Add Mode” lets you set a series of particular speeds and you determine the length of time that each runs for. The “Cycle” option, particularly, lets you go through a series of “Single” preset start-end speeds. To get a single function set in place, you need to drag the slider and then hit the little green check mark in the upper righthand corner to get back to adding more intensities.
The Solo Play mode confused me; it’s like a drag-to-increase-speed functions I’ve seen in We-Connect and in OhMiBod. You’ve gotta really move your finger UP toward the top of the screen to get above speed 15 to start. Honestly, it feels like a lot of unnecessary work to change speeds this way.
Hismith’s Play Online is built with having a large userbase in mind, but right now, it’s simply empty. I tried creating a room there in “Games Lobby,” to no effect! The Community tab at the bottom of the app, center, is similarly lifeless at present (late 2020).
Now onto Play Remote, because that’s big. A long-distance sex machine?! Sounds perfect, especially for many people who were separated from a partner or just alone and in need of a good banging this year, 2020.
I have no one, so I actually employed the Lovense app—100% the best long-distance vibrator app on the market, with a large and interested community of users—to find someone to control my Hismith machine.3 So this dude downloaded the Hismith app for me as we chatted on Lovense, trying to figure out Hismith. The “Copy Link” feature under Hismith’s Play Remote didn’t actually produce a text link for me to send, it kind of froze; so instead I hit the Hismith icon-topped “Friends” and pasted in my new friend’s Hismith name. He was able to control immediately.4
Again, pattern creation on Hismith is a little tough, and I wish the control was drag-up-and-down. Wish that it was so simple. Wish I could see the intensity displayed in waves or similar—but instead the screen stays fixed on the pattern options with no indication of what one’s long-distance partner is doing. But whatever, the pressure built up until my new partner told me to come, and come I did.
In the end, even if the Hismith app is not the most intuitive system, the Hismith long-distance control works. You use the different preset modes and tinker with the intensity.
But communication does NOT work on the Hismith app alone: I really recommend using Hismith long-distance with someone you’re comfortable talking on the phone with. Someone you can trust with your phone number—because there’s no way to chat, send photos, send voice messages, or video-call in the Hismith app currently. Sex without feedback from the Other is dead sex, IMO, so another app or phone call is absolutely essential when employing the Hismith app. This fucking machine app could certainly be improved with more ways—nay, with any way—to communicate long-distance.
That critique made, the Hismith app’s Bluetooth connection is very stable. The app-machine connection won’t fail either locally or long-distance (a problem wearable vibrators sometimes suffer from). That’s because the Hismith Bluetooth antenna is in the controller box, which isn’t covered by flesh like a wearable vibrator is. (And Bluetooth travels best through air, not water or flesh.)
Hismith Vs. Kink Power Banger
My first sex machine made a lot of sense for me, and I still think it’s really nice for several reasons. The Kink Power Banger by Doc Johnson is very light compared the Hismith, and basically no assembly required.
The benefits of Hismith, though? It’s stronger on the high end of the speed range. At 100W vs. the 50W of the Power Banger, it seems like the Hismith Premium should technically be twice as fast, but that’s not quite true. I’d say the Hismith Premium feels about 30% stronger. Also, the Power Banger gives a little more when you clench really hard around it, so that feels like normal sex to me. The Hismith machine is most consistent; most robotic, even.
In a table:
|*||Hismith Premium||Kink Power Banger|
$387.00 without app control
w/ code FELICITY
|Stroke Length||Adjustable: 1.75 to 5.25 inches||2.3 inches|
|Strokes Per Minute||Over 300||195|
|Watts||100 W||50 W|
|Volume||33 – 54 dB||42 – 59 dB|
|Weight||20 lbs.||5 lbs.|
|Also Includes||1 silicone dildo|
App model only includes:
- Storage bag
- Handheld remote
- Long-distance app control
•OK dildo included
•Takes a while to assemble
•Easier to fit between legs
•Easier to store
•Penetration angle adjusts; stroke length doesn't
•Great for premium silicone Vac dildos (sold separately)
•Less powerful, but less dangerous
•Little assembly required
Power Banger’s biggest negative is that it’s louder. Eh. You may also find its lesser weight to be a negative if you’re using monster-size dildos from behind. In that case, the Hismith machine’s weightiness makes it most stable. (Personally, I like being able to move the Power Banger’s body just by using my knees. I like that it’s rounded, less boxy, and the support bars don’t stick out under my feet when I’m lying back and taking it.) A final big advantage of the Hismith Premium is that not only is the angle of penetration adjustable, the stroke length is too. With the Power Banger, you can adjust the angle a lot, but never how far the thrust arm penetrates with each stroke.
On the other hand, Power Banger is safer in some respects, since the motor body is shielded by plastic and you cannot damage cords or fingers by getting them caught in the thrusting mechanism.
So definitely consider how small your machine to be (Power Banger wins), vs. whether you want super-duper top-speed thrusting (Hismith wins).
Hismith Attachment Options & Dildo Suggestions
The Hismith Premium sex machine comes with a silicone dildo attachment that’s a popular generic shape — also seen in the NS Colours 5 Inch dildos, for example — but with the KlicLok metal attachment, to lock it on your machine.
The dildo has a pronounced coronal ridge and veins. A strong ridge tends to make for good for G-spot or prostate stimulation, so that’s nice. The silicone Hismith is using is fairly soft but not fleshy-soft: a 10A shore durometer.
That’s about the firmness of a real-life erection overall, though it won’t deliver the “skin feel” that super-soft silicones do. As always, user sensitivity varies.
I also chose the larger 8 Inch Silicone dildo, which is just under 1.7 inches diameter vs. the included dildo’s 1.4 inches (a little below average size); and it’s an inch longer usable length (6 inches insertable length for the 8 Inch model, vs. 5 inches insertable length for the included dildo). See the pic above for easy visual reference. You know that I, a bigger-dildo fan was going to choose one of the larger KlicLok attachments! That said, they do also make really big dildos as KlicLok attachments too, but be careful to choose the body-safe silicone ones (the word “Silicone” should be in the product name) because, for example, the Hismith “12 Inch Monstrous Big Dildo” is made of unhygienic PVC.
I enjoyed the increased size of the 8 Inch Silicone realistic KlicLok dildo, but found the veins really imposing when the dildo is moving fast! I resorted to using a soft silicone extender to soften the force, since I am sensitive.
Do you enjoy soft, realistic dildos (and are able to take slightly thick ones)? If so, I really would recommend purchasing the Vac-U-Lock connector that Hismith sells with KlicLok attachment. (Note that: Vac-U-Lock dildos need to be almost 2 inches wide at the bottom, thick, to support the hole.) That Vac adapter will let you add super-soft platinum silicone dildos. Totally go with a nice, squishy, American-made dildo like Hankey’s Toys 75% Soft firmness or anything with a SquarePegHole. For a prettier look, the Splendid Large with attachment hole makes a statement in both its colors and its bold head; or some fantasy dildo makers offer Vac-U-Lock dildo holes. These Vac-U-Lock dildos need just a teeeeny drop of lube in the base of their Vac hole for easier removal; insert too much lube and your dildo will spin around during screwing.
Hismith also sells a suction cup attachment, a flat circle that you stick your suction cup dildo onto. Suction cup adapters in general work best for toys with strong suction cups, especially once you get the sex machine going. The Neo Elite 7.5 Inch Dual Density silicone dildos, for example. Stick the 7.5″ with Balls onto the suction cup adapter and see how it hits the spot (G-spot or prostate)! (Or the 7.5 Inch without balls is by far my favorite anal dildo, for the easy stretching & soft feel.) In the end, I feel most secure with Vac dildos and how strongly they adhere, because I am somehow who clenches really hard when I orgasm.
KlickLock / KlicLok Connector How To
The first trick is learning how to actually spell KlicLok. I joke because it is really a challenge, figuring out which letters I’m supposed to be changing / dropping from a name pronounced “Click Lock.”
So KlicLok, OK. This is one of Hismith’s 2 adapter / dildo connection systems: KlicLok is found on the premium machines, vs. the 3XLR dildos being unsafe materials (PVC and TPE) made for the cheaper, less-powerful Hismith thrusters.5 Each Hismith Premium attachment includes this custom connector system, which is very sturdy and simple after you discern how to make the lock click, and later unclick so you can detach and clean after play.
Here’s how: There’s a movable cylinder at the end of the Hismith Premium’s thrust arm. You push that back to lock your attachment on, and then pull the cylinder forward to remove.
Side note: If you unscrew the hexagonal metal connector found in the base of any KlicLok dildo, it will function as a suction cup dildo too.
How to Adjust Hismith Premium Stroke Length
OK, so this confused me. I’d already started composing this review before reading Hismith’s full FAQ. When I did, I realized that adjustable stroke length is possible on the Hismith Premium—because that adjustment isn’t obvious at a glance. This machine has a lot of parts! And the FAQ assumes you should know how to adjust the machine with no directions!6
So here’s how to adjust the Hismith Premium machine stroke length, while the machine is OFF:
- Look toward the back of the machine.
- Find a twistable screw knob.
- Loosen it.
- Move the knob either backward (for longer stroke length) or forward (for shorter stroke length).
- Twist to tighten the knob again.
Shipping and Assembly
My Hismith machine itself shipped from Canada to me in the States, while the attachments shipped from Hong Kong (with really fast DHL).
The machine package was 26.5 pounds, and I had it delivered to my parents’ since I’m in an apartment and can’t 100% count on reliable delivery here. I tell you this because my dad brought over the package and was like, “It’s pretty heavy! You think you can carry that up the stairs?!”
He has a point, the machine isn’t light and may pose an issue for anyone with back or joint problems due to the box size. But I just smiled, because I’m the kind of person who will carry a hardwood computer desk up three flights of stairs on my own back, rather than hire movers during a pandemic. So I picked up the box and maneuvered its weight up to my place…
Then I opened it and realized there are a helluva lot of parts here! The instructions are bit difficult to read as well, and I’m a visual learner with mechanical things. Oh well!
It took me an hour, but I got it figured out! By inspecting the diagrams multiple times, really, since the English translation is a little wonky. (Always the case with Hismith descriptions, really.) Happily, the machine comes with the hex wrench you’ll require in order to fit the metal frame’s bars together.
Finally, my Hismith Premium was fully assembled, and it was smooth sailing … except for that part where I got the cord tangled and damaged it, more on that next!
Warranty and Care
The machine has a 1-year warranty. EXCEPT. Do not get the cords caught in the thrusting mechanism: that’s considered user error rather than a manufacturer’s defect. If you do, you’ll need to check out the Hismith repair kit / accessories page to pay for a new remote control, for example.
It me! Having played with the Power Banger machine so much, I was used to passing its remote controller between hands as I adjust pillow positioning or whatever during play. I tried switching sides on the Hismith cord, from the right side of the machine it’s built into, to the left side … and the cord immediately got caught in the thrusting arm. That tore through the black casing over the wiring inside.
Moral of the story: Do be careful putting anything around this part of the machine. That most certainly includes your fingers.
The Hismith Premium also needs a bit of oiling-up occasionally (every 3 months is recommended): on the sliding rail only, the silvery parts that move back and forth! Hismith’s FAQ instructs, “You can search the keywords: High Temperature Wheel Bearing Grease on Amazon you can find what you want. Mobil Polyrex EM Electric Motor Bearing Grease is Recommended.”
As a corded toy, the machine is obviously not waterproof, which is why it’s important you remove and clean the attachments. Since I have squirted pretty forcefully on the machine, I can say that getting some wetness on the moving thrust arm won’t cause damage. Just don’t absolutely drench the body of the Hismith machine. The metal arm (and whole frame) is easy to wipe down with a damp cloth.
Overall Hismith Sex Machine Recap
Hismith machines are powerful toys for serious thrusting, especially the Hismith Premium level sex machines. The brand is highly recommended by actual users, and I can see why. The Premium Hismith is an affordable sex machine that’s also smooth, strong, and QUIET.
They’re not the easiest to assemble, or the lightest; and be careful not to get anything caught around the rotating thrusting gear.
They are sturdy, stable, with nicely done adjustable speed control. And the KlicLok system works great: even get a Vac-connector if you’re like me and crave a larger, fleshier-feeling silicone phallus.
Are you interested in having someone else control your thrusting, or playing with patterns created by other users? In that case, the Premium Machine with App Control is the way. Shocker: sometimes I do get a little bored of steady, consistent thrusting—even with my Magic Wand going—so exploring the patterns is a cool change of pace. If I had a long-distance partner who was capable of caring about my pleasure from afar, I would also be all over using this machine long-distance, all the time, while talking to him on the phone.
As it is, I find myself having lost half an afternoon many times, just me and the machine. It’s a true thrill for the lover of thrust.
Save 10% off sitewide with code PR10.
Hismith Premium sex machine499.99
Assembly & instructions7.5/10
- Very good power & stall resistance, especially given the price
- Adjustable stroke length & angle of penetration
- Perfect for vaginal OR anal; can stand up to large dildos
- Pattern- and long-distance capable
- Bulky & not lightweight
- App could be more intuitive
- Assembly takes a little effort
- Save $100 if you don't need the app version
- You’re all drooling over my job at this point, right? Trust me, there’s a lot of stress & bullshit involved too, not just orgasms. But I wouldn’t trade Phallophile Reviews for the world.
- You could also go for the Lovense Domi 2 for a smaller wand that’s just as strong, if slightly higher-pitched on the medium speeds.
- Check out Lovenselife.com.
- Interestingly, the “waiting for remote connection” message remained on-screen the whole time I was being controlled that first time after the failed “Copy Link” attempt, so that’s a bug to fix.
- You can also buy 3XLR attachments and the 3XLR to KlicLok Quick Air Adapter but don’t do it, the cheaper attachments are porous and not fully sanitizable like silicone is.
- I’d also set aside the machine instruction manual in its storage case and not looked at it again after assembly, because I was busy with this fucking machine!