Editing and Masturbating: My Day at a Glance

I love writing about sex toys—have no doubt about that. But though this blog is my passion, my main work is as a freelance copy editor. I take books and (hopefully) make them more readable. These editing jobs are often long and tedious, especially when they’re from my most reliable client, a self-publishing company. The company (we’ll call it Anything Goes Publications) takes manuscripts from anyone and everyone who will pay to have their work edited, designed, and then put up on an on-demand platform linked to Amazon. No one else wants to publish your ramblings about how force fields and auras determine everyone’s life path? Then send it to Anything Goes!

Not surprisingly, wading through this level of bullshit often makes me want to bash my head against a wall. (I’ve edited tax law manuscripts that were much more fun than the nonsense I often get from Anything Goes.) But, luckily, working from home includes certain perks.1 

You guessed it: masturbation time. This isn’t always possible, because I do have tight deadlines a lot (and limited child care). But most days, I rush my kids off to school, come home, and change into slutty shorts. Then it’s a battle of the will as I move my ass over to my computer, forcing myself to look at the latest drudgery that I’m supposed to be punctuating and making coherent. This works for maybe an hour…and then I get fidgety. A coffee break, I think.

Split Peaches Screw You

Squeezing my Screw You while I’m editing something particularly boring is therapeutic.

Sometimes the coffee break is just that—a quick cup produced by the Nespresso machine and drunk back at my desk, with the red of tracked changes dominating my computer screen. But then all the dildo review pics I need to take overwhelm my mind. And it’s that time of morning when the light from the front window is just right!

So I fly away from the tedium of editing a self-help manual or an acne sales pitch, and I race into my bedroom closet to retrieve THE NEW TOY. And then, depending on how much I like whatever the current review item is,2 I might have to test it out. Maybe the new toy needs some friends to help it along, too, I think. This is how a quick photo turns into a masturbation break.3 Some days I’m a little more enthusiastic than others!

Silicone dildos Bad Dragon Damn Average BS Is Nice Split Peaches Shapely Toys

I did all of these in eighteen minutes one day while I was on deadline.

Afterward, newly energized, I return to the dull manuscript. I sludge through more run-on sentences and mind-numbing BS, hoping that I’ll finish another twenty pages before lunch time. But Wowis this boring, I think. Still, I manage to almost get through my target number of pages before my brain starts to slow down. Then it’s time to check Twitter, because working from home can be lonely. (Plus I have to keep up with the latest toy news and see all the cool stuff my blogger friends are doing!)

As you can see, distractions abound when you’re working from home. Depending on just how much work my current manuscript needs,4 I’m usually close to my goal for the day by the time I have to pick up the kids. After all, I can’t screw my expanding army of silicone dildos for too long if I want to be able to pay the bills.5

So yeah, it’s a mixed bag. Earning a living from freelance editing is hard, especially when you have dependents and medical bills. But it comes with fun moments too. I have to alternate, to find a balance that allows me a little bit of fun time amidst the pressure of never-ending deadlines and being alone in my work. I can do it! I try to tell myself every day as I race through the pages…and then take an extended lunch break. 😉

If you like my site, consider buying through my affiliate links (Peepshow Toys, SheVibe, Vibrant, Tantus, Lovehoney) to help me write more sex toy stuff and edit less drivel! 🙂

  1. It better include something, because it doesn’t include medical, dental, or vision coverage.
  2. I’m pretty lucky to have been able to request high-quality toys that have usually worked well with my body. No complaints here.
  3. And possibly a long photo shoot before or after that, because getting good light is hard, y’all.
  4. As much as I’ve focused on the drudgery of copy editing, I do occasionally get fun, well-written texts too
  5. The self-publishing company does not pay very well, sadly.

About

Professional editor, foodie, and silicone dildo connoisseur! Here to help you find quality toys that best fit your preferred hole(s).

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